You're Expecting Twins? Congrats! Wait, WHAT?!?!?!

Ok, so here's my take. You've seen this, right?

My wife's expecting twins - and I'm not happy about it

I don't have twins. I have two kids, almost 5 years apart. I am extremely lucky in that I was able to conceive without any help from fertility treatments, as I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). Anyone else who has that knows how difficult it is to deal with. 

I have many, many friends with twins. One of my friends has two sets of twins that are three years apart. So yeah, for a while she had TWO sets of twins under the age of five. Think about that for a second. Her husband went to work every day (and that man is a SAINT, let me tell you), and she was home with two toddlers and two infants. There were days when she would say she wanted to pull her hair out and days when she would post the cutest picture or note one of them had written, and I know that beyond all of her frustration and exhaustion, she was truly grateful for her children. On those days when I would be ridiculously frustrated with my own two, I would think of R, take a deep breath, and realize it could be worse.

I have another friend who makes having twins look incredibly easy. She’s so easy-going and has such a great “roll with it” attitude.  Yet another friend with twins makes it look really, really difficult. It’s just her personality, but again, I have no doubts that she loves her children. All of them are amazing moms. (And dads.) 

I don't know how I would have handled twins had I found out I was pregnant with them. I probably would have gone through the same terror, the same sleepless nights, the same anxiety, and the same questioning as these people. My husband travels a LOT for work, and so I would be contemplating all of those nights alone with TWO babies and only TWO hands. Honestly I would be downright terrified. 

What I would NOT do? I wouldn’t go on the internet telling people how much I hated my children before I had them. Children I wanted. Children I wished, dreamed, and hoped for. Children I fought for, as these people apparently did, with infertility treatments, humiliating procedures in a doctor’s office where everyone knows what you’re doing and why you’re there, scheduled sex dates where the only goal is making a baby, and the general overwhelming stress of trying to conceive.

I would NOT complain that my spouse and I were “wishing the pregnancy away” and worried more about ourselves than the babies we worked so hard to conceive. I would absolutely NOT refer to my older child as the “free one”. That statement right there made my heart sink. What a horrible, heartless thing to say. I would never, in a million years, tell anyone that having twins was a “nightmare”, that I was “pissed”, that I wished my babies were the opposite sex......and I most definitely would not say that “we’re counting down - not like expected parents but like cancer patients with only months to live.” That one I can’t even wrap my head around. 

Here’s the deal, Daddy-of-One-With-Two-on-the-Way:

You CHOSE to become pregnant again. You CHOSE to try to have another baby. When you couldn’t get pregnant on your own, you CHOSE to use fertility treatments. You CHOSE to spend thousands of dollars on procedures, all the while complaining that you live in a one-bedroom apartment and have no room for the family you already have. When the time came for IVF, knowing the risks, you CHOSE to go ahead with it. When your wife was asked about the embryos, she CHOSE to implant two, again.....knowing the risks.  Do you see a pattern here? The only CHOICE you didn’t make was abortion, which might have been the right call, in your case. Yes, I just said that. 

For reasons I cannot comprehend, because your post pretty clearly states that you and your wife didn’t want another child, you wanted a sibling for your existing child. Why? Your son would have been just fine. Did HE ask for another baby? Do you always give him everything he wants? I’ve never heard such a ridiculous, narcissistic reason in all of my life. Most people say that they had another baby because they had always wanted a house full of kids, or they just loved children so much, or that babies were such a blessing, stuff like that. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say, “Oh, we didn’t really want him, we only had him so our son could have a brother.” Holy crap.

Your “OH WOE IS ME” post is literally sickening. Here’s an idea.....go to an elementary school and ask to sit in on a special education class. Go to a hospital and sit for while in the children’s cancer ward. Take a trip to St. Jude’s Hospital and just walk around. When you’re out in public, notice the moms and dads whose children are forever confined to wheelchairs, who cannot talk, eat, move, or poop without help and probably never will. And look at the love in their faces. They don’t hate their children because they weren’t perfect......THEY LOVE THEM BECAUSE THEY”RE THEIRS. Because they were wanted, no matter what. 

Get up off of your pathetic, whining ass, figure out how to provide for your family (because yes, that is your JOB), and be grateful for what you have. Pregnancy is not a buffet.....you can't pick and choose what you want, and you certainly can't look at the desserts and pick the best looking pie.

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OH HOLY HELL, I just found your wife’s post in response to yours. 

I'm Expecting Twins - and I Feel Like I Ruined My Family

This line tells me everything I need to know about the both of you: 

“Yet despite these challenges, we still wanted another child — a sibling for our son, mind you, not so much for us.”

I really, sincerely hope that therapist can get through to you, for the sake of your children. In the meantime, I will say again that I have never seen such narcissism, such ridiculous ungratefulness, such immaturity, and such selfishness in one post. You both need to get over yourselves and realize that once you made the decision to have ONE child, much less another, it stopped being all about you. 

GOOD GRIEF. And you have to have a license to catch a fish........

One Blunt Mom

Stupid People, Part 2: Parents

Yep, parents.

So let's start with the mother of the two brothers responsible for the vicious attacks in Boston.

Ok so I get it. You're their mother. You're supposed to think they're innocent. But I am pretty sure this applies to your child pushing someone on the playground, pulling a little girl's hair, or stealing gum from the candy store. Lady, your older son had explosives strapped to his body and he was shooting at the police. We kind of get testy when that happens. You say you regret bringing them to America? Why don't you tell that to the families of the four people they murdered? Freakin' nut job.

Hold on, I need a second. Deep breaths. Ok.

Next, we'll move on to examples of parents who have little or no common sense. A perfect example? Right here.....

I'm sorry, but I will argue with anyone who says it's "normal" to give a FIVE YEAR OLD a real, working shotgun for their birthday. A child that age does not have the mental capability to understand the seriousness of what a weapon like that is capable of. But then to leave the room, leaving the gun with said child, LOADED, with your two year old in the room?? 

WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?????? 

Oh wait, you were the same person who gave the gun to the five year old in the first place. Never mind.  

I have two children. They are five years apart. I cannot even imagine the horror of this situation. May that sweet baby girl rest in peace, may that poor sweet boy somehow move on and become a productive part of society, and may those parents never, ever forget that it is their fault for putting that gun in that child's hands. And if any of you try to argue and tell me it was an accident, you can just can it. That's bullshit and you know it. 

Ok, hang on again. I'm gonna need a couple of seconds here. Lord have mercy. 

All righty then. Let's talk about the parents who want to be their kid's buddy. Their pal. Hell, even their best friend. These people joke at inappropriate times, throw food across the table with their kids trying to get them to laugh, use sarcasm when it's not needed or wanted, and generally make asses out of themselves trying to live vicariously through their children. These are the the moms of the Honey Boo Boo's, the parents of the Lindsay Lohan's, and pretty much any other parent who would subject their children to being on a reality show. The above mentioned people? I can't even get started on them, because I would never stop writing. That Honey Boo Boo chick is a total train wreck, beating out Lindsay Lohan by a smidge, and only because her mother is even scarier. Pageant moms. There's a topic for another day.

Then you have the enablers. These parents are the ones who smile and laugh when their kids tell them, "I hate you." They're the ones who buy anything and everything the kid wants because they want the kids to like them. They do the "talking" thing instead of actual consequences, because they are afraid of harming their child's self-esteem somehow. These are also the Helicopter Parents. They hover, circle, and swoop in at the first sign of any struggle, never letting the child figure anything out for themselves. They blame the teachers, the other students, the principal, and hell, even the lunch ladies in school for their child's poor grades or issues because it just can't be anything the child is doing wrong. Any trouble the kid gets into must be someone else's fault. They will continually bail their children out of any situation, so much so that by the time the child graduates, they have no idea how to fend for themselves.

I am not a perfect parent. I have never claimed to be. But I have worked with kids of all ages, in preschool and as a teacher in elementary school. I've changed more diapers than most of you will ever see in a lifetime, I've worn so many hats I've lost count, I've done it all. And do I know everything? Absolutely not. But would I ever do this??

Of course not. Why? Because I am not an idiot.

I am a child of a nasty divorce, and I come from the most dysfunctional family....seriously, Dr. Phil would have a FIELD DAY with these people. I grew up in the south with racism, bigotry, intolerance, and hatred, and yet I put myself through college, I contribute to charities, I married a wonderful, successful man who has his priorities straight, I strongly believe in being kind to others (unless they give you reasons not to be), I am very strict about social rules, manners, and etiquette, and my children and I try to practice random acts of kindness whenever we get the chance. We thank service men and women when we see them, we bake cookies for the fire and police departments, and we volunteer and get involved with our town. Why am I telling you this? BECAUSE A BAD PAST IS NO EXCUSE FOR A FAILING PRESENT. Blaming your inadequacies as a parent on your upbringing is just crap. People who refuse to take responsibility for their actions and who blame all of their troubles on others just piss me off. You make choices. Don't blame others if you made crappy ones.

I love it when I hear, "I can't control my children." Really? At what point did you decide to give up on being a parent and let the kids walk all over you? Kids misbehaving in the restaurant? LEAVE. Give them one warning. Then leave. It might be inconvenient for you, but they'll get the point. Kids not listening at the mall, or whining because they are not getting everything they want? LEAVE. Kids acting up in the grocery store? Yep, you guessed it.....LEAVE. Even if you have a full cart of groceries. I have walked up to a manager, pushed my cart full of food over to them, apologized profusely, and walked out of the store with a screaming child. I have also put my child in time out in the middle of the store. You are the parent. Act like it. You are the one in control. Act like it. My first born tries every day to push my buttons and get her way, and every day it doesn't work. You'd think she would have figured that out by now. 

Oh and here's a good one........I've got news for you, people.....not everyone thinks your kids are as cute as YOU think they are. So if your kids are being loud in a public place, especially when it's inappropriate, it is {newsflash!} your job to take care of the situation. This is especially directed at you.....oh brainiac parents who take their toddlers to R-rated movies that start at 8 or 9 pm. This is also directed at the parents who do nothing to keep their children entertained on airplanes, buses, subway trains, or other enclosed spaces, and the parents who are oblivious to the fact that their children are bothering or touching other people. Just last night my husband and I were having dinner, sitting outside on the patio of our favorite restaurant. The man sitting with his back to my husband picked up his son, who looked to be about three years old. The child kept poking my husband in the back. I used my mommy tone and told the child to keep his hands to himself, dad stayed oblivious. Kid did it again, my husband turned around and said, "Hey!" The kid stopped, dad stayed oblivious. 

Now, I love kids. I really do. I focus in on kids anywhere I go before I notice adults. I love talking to kids, I love interacting with kids. It's one of the reasons I became a teacher. But one thing I hate is for kids or anyone to invade my personal space. Even when it's my own kids. I just need my space. Hugs and cuddles are different, but don't just start messing with me. I can't take it. So one thing that makes me nuts is standing in lines in public places. People do NOT control their children or pay attention to them at all. I have had kids (and I am talking teenagers) stand right up next to me while waiting in line. I have had people standing behind me holding children where the children have pulled my hair. I take a step forward, they take a step forward. Seriously, I don't belong to you! Back the heck off! I will loudly tell my children not to get into other people's space, if only to make the point to other people standing around us. I will say, "Those people don't belong to us, don't stand so close," or, "There is no reason for us to stand so closely to these nice people, let's give them their space." Does it work? Yeah, not so much. People are just clueless. And it's just getting worse.  

I've said for years that I think it's absolutely ridiculous that you must have a license to catch a fish or shoot a gun, but any moron can have a child. Does anyone else feel the same way?

Here's an idea......start making parents responsible for the stupid crap their children do. Kid brings a weapon to school? Teenage boys get into a fight at a game? Haul the parents in.....and chastise them for not teaching their children to know better. How about the teenage girl that flipped off the judge in the courtroom? Her parents should also have been fined for raising such a brat. Lindsay Lohan, anyone? Her parents should have been spade and neutered before they were ever even allowed to have children.  Then we have the teenage girls that throw their babies in trash cans. The bullies who harass their schoolmates to the point of suicide. How about the 17 year old soccer player in Utah who punched the referee in the side of the head after being issued a foul, ultimately killing him? How is it that these people are allowed to raise these completely unproductive, sociopathic, disrespectful, conscience free individuals and then unleash them into society for all of us to deal with? Where is the logic in that? Maybe if people KNEW there would be consequences for raising children who are complete reprobates, they might think twice before having children OR they might really try to do a better job of raising them in the first place. 

And the creme de la creme? The icing on the cake? The "OH MY GOD I WANT TO PUNCH THIS WOMAN IN THE FACE THROUGH MY COMPUTER SCREEN!!!"?

Yep, I'll leave you with that one. Y'all have a nice day.