The Day I Almost Threw My Baby Down the Trash Chute

Yeah, so let me explain.....before Child Services and the FBI show up at my door. Wait, there's the doorbell.......pizza's here!

So there was life before children. You know, life where you didn't worry about getting home at a certain hour, where staying out until last call was pretty much a given on the weekends, and you could go to the grocery store whenever you wanted, even a couple of times in one day if you had to. Alone. With time to browse. Actually read a label or two. Grown up stuff.

Now I don't know about most of you, but I didn't have my first child until I was over thirty. Before that, I worked in child care, retail, and as a teacher in elementary school. I've worked with kids of all ages since I was twelve.....babysitting, working with camps, at church (yes, I actually went to church), and volunteering. I'd always wanted to be a teacher, and so I put myself through college, got my degree, and worked for the public school system for several years.

For years I had the chance to observe the parents of the children I worked with. Parents of varying age, experience, backgrounds, and ideas. I would think to myself often that, "I'll do that differently", or, "Wow I'm going to have to remember that when I have kids," or, "Oh HELL no that did NOT just happen."

Kids throwing a fit in a restaurant? Oh my children would be taught to know better. Child pitching a fit in the grocery store over candy? My children will be standing quietly, hands folded behind their back, waiting patiently for me to finish checking out. Teenager in the department store arguing about why she needs a $100 pair of jeans? Oh no, my children will be taught to be respectful and to value themselves, no matter what they're wearing. I was full of judgement and self-righteousness, knowing that when I had my own children, things were going to be different.

And WOW are they different.

We all hear the saying that babies don't come with owner's manuals. There is SO MUCH that you don't get told about what it's like to all of the sudden have this tiny life literally in your hands. And you're expected to keep it alive. For like, EVER. Sure, they'll help you learn to breast feed, they'll ask you if you know how to change a diaper, they'll even help you give the baby a sponge bath in the hospital. They'll show you how to swaddle, how to support her head, the basic stuff. Then they'll send you home  like you know what you're doing. And you leave the hospital absolutely terrified.

And then it sets in. PARENTAL PARANOIA. Come on.....you know you've had it. Situations that before seemed completely innocent are now danger-prone death traps that might harm your newborn baby. You'll conjure up these ridiculous scenarios of what MIGHT happen to the point that you'll give yourself mini panic attacks thinking they could actually come true.

Hence the trash chute. When my oldest was just barely a year old, we moved up to the Boston area. Until we found a house, we had a temporary apartment in the city. We were on the 8th floor. My husband went to work every day, leaving me, the baby and the dog to fend for ourselves in a city I knew nothing about. I do know that I am NOT an urban dweller. By any stretch. I need grass. (No, not that kind.) But I digress. Anyway, to take out your trash, you had to go down the hall, use a key to open the trash closet door, and put the trash down the chute. Most of the time, I was holding my daughter in one arm and holding the trash in the other. After doing that a few times, I told my husband that I would no longer take the trash down, he would have to do it. Why? Because I would have little panic attacks as I stood there and I would think to myself, "What if I put the wrong one down the trash chute?" I would envision this to the point where I would literally get sick to my stomach.

Now OF COURSE that wasn't going to happen. I am not a complete idiot. I do have my moments, but for the most part I'm a pretty intelligent, level-headed girl. Really I am. But having this little life that I was completely responsible for just changed my perception on so many things. Normal, every day things. Simple, common sense things. But you become so much more aware of the dangers out there, the things that can hurt you, your child, your family.........and I haven't even gotten to the dangers that include the crazy people. That's a whole other blog for a whole other day. Hell, that's a book right there.

So, parental paranoia. It's that feeling of panic when you can't see your child in the department store even though you know for a fact that he's standing on the other side of the t-shirt you're looking at. It's those ridiculous scenarios you'll create in your head when you're driving down the road about what exactly would happen if the car went into the lake.......how would you get out? How would you get the kids out? Then you realize you live in a desert. It's the wide-eyed panic you feel when your little one is eating a cracker and coughs.....and you're sure they're choking to death and you hope to God you can remember how to do the Heimlich on a toddler. It's seeing the video of the woman leaving her stroller on the train platform......and the stroller rolling off.......and the train hitting it (the baby, miraculously, was fine)......and thinking to yourself that you're going to handcuff yourself to the handle of your stroller every single time you use it from now on. It's checking on your newborn fifteen times a night during their first year because you've been staring at the video monitor for an hour and you just can't be sure they're still breathing. It's all of those things that common sense would tell you don't make sense, and yet it doesn't matter.

It's Parental Paranoia. And no one tells you about it. And it doesn't go away. But it's real. It's out there. And it's not fun.

Good grief......when my kids start driving I might just have to check myself into a mental institution.

OBM

Letting Go of Your Past for the Sake of Your Children's Future

Hello friends.



This is a blog I have been wanting to write for a while, I just haven't been quite sure how to put it down on paper, so to speak. Many people know my history and the severely dysfunctional family I come from, but to put it out there in such a public forum has been a little daunting.

You know from my posts on my page that I am pretty passionate about my views on different topics. A lot of those views differ greatly from how I was brought up. But I thought you guys deserved to know where I am coming from most of the time, and so many of you have been so supportive and encouraging that I decided it was time to share.

I grew up in a small affluent community in the midwest, very white bread, everyone belonged to the country club and everyone went to the same church. Funny, since I was baptized in an Episcopalian church not too far away, but this church was Baptist. Must not have mattered, since it was closer to home. We had a golf cart, mom and dad played golf every weekend, they played in golf tournaments, went to parties, were very social, and all of that jazz. It was actually a nice place to live and grow up.

When I was 9 years old, all of that fell apart. My parents informed my two brothers and me that they were divorcing. My mother packed the three of us kids up and moved us back to Texas to be near my grandparents (NOT the go fishing, cookie baking, hugs and kisses type, trust me). This was the summer before I started 6th grade. With regards to the divorce, it was just nasty and so completely inappropriate with regards to what we were told. For years, my brothers and I were fed so much poison against my father from everyone from grandparents to aunts, uncles, and cousins.......everything was his fault, he was a terrible person, how could he have treated my mother that way, and so on and so on. I felt the need to grow up really fast, because I felt that I needed to take care of my mother and be strong for her. My older brother and younger brother stayed pretty clueless, and my older brother held onto such hatred for my father (and has to this day) that he was never much help. The few times I saw my father after the divorce, there was such animosity anytime he would try to pick us up or come into contact with any other family member that it just got really uncomfortable. At one point he came over to pick up my younger brother and me at my grandparent's house, and my grandfather walked out onto the driveway with a shotgun. Yeah. I was sitting in the car. Over the years my father and I had an on again/off again relationship, more because of me than him. I had so much negativity built up from all of the crap I had been brainwashed with about him, and I had a lot of growing up to do before I could really let go of it.

So fast forward a bit, and my mom remarried when I was 13. At that time, she was working for my grandparents who had their own business. My stepfather brought nothing to the marriage, but they managed to keep running the business, although not well enough for my grandparents to continue living in their house (they ended up moving to another town into a pretty crappy neighborhood). For years I watched my mom and my stepfather struggle, neither of them able to manage money worth a crap. They morphed the business into something a little different, but it was never very successful. I also watched my mother completely enable both of my brothers for years and even to this day, and they are both in their forties. My mother and stepfather were miserable. They weren't happy at home, they weren't happy at work, they made each other's lives hell for over 25 years. My stepfather left three years ago. He had been lied to for years, and while he was no saint (the first Thanksgiving I brought my then future husband home for dinner, he threw his fork across the table and screamed and left the table because he didn't want to say what he was thankful for), I really don't blame him. Watching them all those years made me realize exactly what I DIDN'T want in my life as far as a relationship was concerned.

My first realization that my parents were racist? My best friend in 6th grade was black. We are still friends, mostly through Facebook, and she is just gorgeous inside and out. But in 6th grade I was never allowed to go to her house, she was never allowed at mine, no sleepovers, nothing. These were the rules of my mother and stepfather. I never really got an explanation, and at one point I actually said to my mother that she was racist. My stepfather was so racist that to the day he left he would get angry that the black server at the coffee shop he went to wouldn't call him "Captain" (I am not kidding). My mother was NOT very happy with my comment. But she was then, and she is now. She is racist, intolerant, homophobic and ignorant on so many topics, and that infuriates the crap out of me.

I graduated high school in the top 7% of my class (there were like 450 of us, so not bad - class of '89, baby!), worked full time in child care to put myself through college, since there was never any illusion that anyone else was going to pay for it, and then had a very successful teaching career in public school. When I couldn't make ends meet living in an apartment on my own on a teacher's salary, I got a second job in retail. What a concept! I never asked anyone for money. (I am the only one in the family with a college degree.)

So I met my then future husband, we started dating, and married in 2003. I had our first daughter in late spring 2005 (with complications and a stay in the NICU), and I stopped working then. I am thankful every day that he has such a great career that I was able to stay home with her, and then continue to stay home when we had our second daughter in 2010. In 2006, we ended up moving to the Northeast for a little over 6 years, moving back to Texas about a year ago. Those 6+ years of living thousands of miles away really gave me a new perspective on so many things. I saw so many situations differently and I also saw how toxic a lot of them were, and how sucked into them I would get. I had the chance to become my own person, to build a life in a brand new town with new friends, new experiences, and new challenges, with people who didn't know me at all. It was actually really great.

Ok, so here's where it gets interesting. If you're still reading, you are my hero!!

When we moved back to Texas we moved back to where my brothers and my mother live. This was a huge point of discussion between my husband and me when we were deciding whether or not to move back. My older brother and his wife are just not nice people. They have done some really horrible things to me and my family, and though I have forgiven my brother, he is just not someone I can have in my life, much less around my children. My sister-in-law? She brings out the absolute worst in my brother. It's actually very sad. These are people that scream, yell, and cuss at their children. My brother has called his daughter an idiot, his son a "little shit", and other such colorful monikers. His wife is no better. That woman is just malevolent. I do not want, nor do I need, people like that around me. Oh but wait! They go to church! My mom loves to tell me how they go to church every Sunday and how involved they are. Too bad it doesn't seem to be sinking in at all. And the enabling? I could go on for ages. My mother has always been all about my older brother. I don't get it, but there it is. This is not jealousy talking, honestly. It's just a fact.

My younger brother is a former (I hope) drug addict. He says he has quit, but I just don't trust him. The fact that he ever even did drugs in the first place just floors me. He was a star football player in high school, a U.S. Marine, and I was so proud of him. His girlfriend is someone who has cussed my mother up one side and down the other, has thrown chairs at my mother, has lied to just about everyone, and loves to stab people in the back. Sounds like a winner, huh? Although I would love to have a relationship with him, since we were always close, I will NOT have her around my children. So it is what it is.

In the year we have been back, none of them have made any attempt to see us or communicate at all. I have always been the family mediator, the referee, and I am just not doing it anymore. My mother does not deal with this well. On one hand, I don't blame her, but on the other, she has enabled both of them so much their entire lives and she still does. My older brother and his wife owe her thousands of dollars that they refuse to acknowledge, and my younger brother basically tanked her business, her only source of income. She lost her house (long story, but it was her own doing), and she now has an apartment. She wants to live the life of a retired wealthy widow, but she never, ever planned for that kind of a life. I hate her situation, I hate that she let it happen, I hate that she is unhappy, but it's not up to me nor is it my responsibility to fix it. It has taken me a LONG TIME to come to that realization and be okay with it.

However, the jealousy and resentment towards me and my family is so palpable that it's hard to even have my mother over to my house. There are constant insinuations about what we can afford and how much things cost, and there are also constant requests for money. And this is someone who continually posts status updates about bible passages and other nonsense in between the absolutely hateful posts directed at Obama. My older brother will post something on his wall (or so I get told) about some wonderful thing that happened at church and then the next day he will post a status update laced with foul language berating some sports team, or Obama, or anything else he doesn't agree with. Such hypocrites. But you know what? I refuse to apologize for having a good life. I refuse to apologize for having a good marriage. My husband is amazing, he loves and respects me, he takes very good care of me and his daughters, and he works hard to do so. He does NOT work to support my mother, who is in a situation made of her own doing.

There is SOOOOOOO much more history here and so much more to the story, but I didn't want this to be a million miles long. Suffice it to say that I don't take the removal of people from my life lightly. But it is what is best for me, for my marriage, and for my children.

I do now have a relationship with my dad. It took a long time, but I have finally decided that the past is the past and there's nothing he can do to change what happened, but we can try to move forward. I want my kids to know their grandpa. And you know what? It's been amazing. We have fun together, we laugh, and my dad and my husband actually argue about who's going to pick up the check if we go out to dinner. You have no idea what a novel experience that is around here. The first time we spent time with him and my stepmom, my husband said, "Ohhhh! So THAT'S where you come from !" Ha! We can talk and debate without someone resorting to insults and swearing, and my dad actually has had some really good advice and encouragement for me when I share with him some of my frustrations about all the crap going on. I also now know a bit more of the story behind their divorce, things that make so much sense knowing my mother. Things I wish I had known a long time ago. I am thankful for him.

Ok so religion? A large part of my family consists of Baptist ministers and missionaries. I grew up in the bible belt. Some of these people are amazing, kind, generous people. But others are amazing and kind one minute, and hateful and judgmental the next. I have seen too many so called "Christians" behave in the most un-Christianlike ways possible, and it seems to be getting worse. I have no tolerance for that. I do not begrudge anyone their faith. Honestly, I envy those with a strong sense of faith. But what I do have a problem with is people who think their faith belongs in schools, in government, in public buildings. It does NOT. We should have respect for all. America was NOT founded on Christianity, people. In my opinion, agree with me or not, the bible is a work of fiction, changed so many times over the years that no one has any idea what the original work even said. It contradicts itself over and over, makes no sense a lot of the time, and was written by men who thought the world was flat. I'm sorry, but how is that any different from the Scientologists who follow a book by L. Ron Hubbard? Why couldn't I just take all seven Harry Potter books and from a new religion based on them? Voldemort as the evil one, Harry Potter as the savior? Why not? I believe in science and facts. I do have questions, I do have doubts, and that is why I would say I am agnostic more than atheist. I could go on, but I really don't want to offend any more people than I already have. And besides, I have covered this in prior blog posts.

Guns......oh boy. I honestly cannot get over the paranoia going on right now in the American Taliban (that would be the Tea Party and any other right wing nut stupid enough to believe the government is trying to repeal the second amendment). Gun restrictions have actually loosened during Obama's term. Again, all reasonable people want is for weapons capable of firing multiple rounds per minute to NOT fall into the hands of people who would use them to harm innocent people. I cannot figure out why that is so hard to understand. When the founding fathers presented the second amendment, they had absolutely NO IDEA that we would progress to the level of weaponry available today. They had muskets, revolvers, pistols, and bayonets. Cannons that took 5 or 6 men to move. I couldn't care less if you own a handgun. You have the right to protect your home and family. But no one needs to own a semi-automatic rifle, or a machine gun, or a gun capable of firing rapid, multiple rounds. No one.

Obama? I don't think he's done all that great a job, but he is the President of the United States, and I will give him the respect he deserves as such. I will NOT talk badly about him in front of my children, and his skin color has absolutely nothing to do with anything, much less his job performance. To me, it's kind of like your relatives. You can talk badly about them all you want, but if someone outside the family does it, there's hell to pay. It should be the same thing. My husband and I talk a lot about what's going on in our country, but we get really upset when people from other countries talk badly about our President and NO ONE says anything or steps up and says it's not okay. Because it's NOT okay. I think it makes us look really bad to the rest of the world.

Ok I'm gonna stop here. Partly because it's almost 3 a.m. and partly because this is already way long and those of you still reading are just freakin' saints. Seriously.

I hope this gives you a bit more insight into who I am and where I come from. If you still want to know more or you have a question, please don't hesitate to ask!

XOXOXOX

One Blunt Mom

Mommas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Idiots

With all of the political, social, and general turmoil going on lately, it seems like the crazies are coming out of the woodwork. Seriously. 

First, you have the Republican party. I mean COME ON. I am not a hard line liberal, there are many things I agree with that would be considered conservative, and there are many things I agree with that would be considered liberal. I consider myself independent. But it really seems like every time a republican opens their mouth lately some moronic comment is said that just makes more and more people run for the hills. You have this Rep. Jodi Lautenberg (R-TX). Holy hell this woman is a joke. First of all, to look at her you wonder if she’s real or just a prop from Madame Tussaud’s. Then you hear her speak, and you wish she wasn’t real. She argued against prenatal care for women because, well, “they’re not born yet.” She said that rape kits could cause abortions in women. I’m sure she has said many other stupid things, but it hurts my head too much to read much of it. She was also a key author in this last Texas legislation restricting women’s rights. I want to punch her in her plastic face. She's not the only one that has made such ridiculous comments, but most of the others have come from men, and, well......they're men. She should bloody well know better. But alas, she's an idiot. No doubt raised by a God-fearing woman who cringed at the sight of her husband, acquiesced to his every demand, believed every single thing the Bible said (even though it contradicts itself throughout), and believed the only reason for sex was to create a baby. 

You have people like Ted Cruz (R-TX), another one from Texas - good grief - who said after Obama’s comments about Trayvon Martin, that Obama “just wants to take your guns.” I’m sorry, but, HUH?? Mr. Cruz admitted he hadn’t even heard the speech. But he took the opportunity to use those same old scare tactics all those good old boys like to use, and I am sure he got a big pat on the back from the NRA at some point, also. I am so SICK of this he said/she said crap going on in our government. There is so much back biting and mud slinging, it’s embarrassing. You want Obama to stop “apologizing” for America? Stop making him have to. Mr. Cruz, you are a narrow-minded hypocrite who talks and talks about liberty for all, and yet you just helped to further restrict the rights of women in Texas with this latest bill. You are male, and until you can become pregnant and find your life in danger due to that pregnancy, or you become pregnant by rape or molestation.....oh, WAIT! That can never happen! Idiot. Here is a fantastic article for you to read....

The Neverending Wisdom of Ted Cruz

I’ve got news for you, people. The government does NOT want to take your guns. The government does NOT want to strip the 2nd amendment from the Constitution. Stop the ridiculous paranoia. What reasonable people want is restrictions on gun ownership.....let’s not put military assault rifles in the hands of the mentally ill, mmmm-kay? And I don’t care how much you like them, no one needs to own a machine gun. You’re gonna hunt with it my ass.......unless you plan on obliterating whatever it is you’re hunting, you don’t need a fucking machine gun to hunt. I love the argument that the founding fathers gave us the right to bear arms. The founding fathers could never have imagined the level of weaponry available today. And their main reason for including such an amendment was so the citizens could protect their homes from invading soldiers and native americans. It seriously cracks me up that the most vociferous about keeping their guns also tend to be the most holier than thou. Please, someone show me where it says in the Bible that you have the right to own a gun. Stop being idiots. 

Moving away from politics, because we could be there all day, I’m gonna go after the moms at the playground. You know the ones, the moms who ignore their kids, the moms who sit and chat while sipping their grande lattes, all the while completely oblivious to the fact that their precious little cherubs are causing havoc on the monkey bars. These are the kids who grow up to be bullies, “mean girls”, and spoiled brats. The moms are convinced that their kids can do no wrong, but they never observe enough to see whether that’s true or not, and they’ll be the first ones to step up and tell their little offspring how amazingly perfect they are......that they can do no wrong, everything is everyone else’s fault, and so on and so on. They get in trouble at school? It must be the teacher. They get in trouble in sports? It must be the coach. They get in trouble at a friend's house? It must be the friend. In essence, they’re creating little monsters for the rest of us to deal with. Little monsters that grow up into big, pain in the ass adults who have no idea how to navigate socially. You didn’t think these people were born that way, did you? Children learn by what they see and hear every day. 

Which brings me to bigotry and racism. I just don’t get it. Growing up, my parents were divorced when I was very young and my mother remarried a man who was very bigoted, and he brought out that very ugly side of her that I hadn’t really seen before. My best friend in sixth grade was black, but she was never allowed at my house, we couldn’t have sleepovers, and it was all just kind of brushed under the rug as to why. I actually called both of them racists at one point. I never really forgave my mother for that. But by that point I had grown up quite a bit due to the divorce, and I knew what was right and what was wrong. 

What IS wrong is judging a person by the color of their skin. Black, white, asian, hispanic, or anything else, I don’t care. As long as you are nice to me I will be nice to you. Even if you’re wearing a hoodie. But open your mouth and start spouting some punk ass nonsense? Yep, I’m done. I don’t stereotype and I don’t make blanket statements about groups of people. I do get really frustrated with people who continually use events that happened over a hundred years ago to justify their struggles now. No, I do not know what it’s like to be judged by my race. I’m pretty white bread. But I also know that there are many people, of many different backgrounds, who have worked hard to pull themselves out of their situations and make their lives better. They didn’t sit around and complain, they DID something. I don’t think anyone would say it was easy. And it makes me ill that there are people out there like that Ann Coulter bitch (that’s just stupidity walkin’ right there, her momma must be so proud....). But my husband and I teach our girls at every opportunity that what a person looks like doesn’t matter one bit.....we are nice to people unless they give us a reason not to be. I’ve had people close to me try to argue that Obama should be impeached (give me one specific reason why), that he has disrespected his office (again, specifics), and so on. I know for a fact that the biggest problem these people have with him is that he is black. That is just insanity. 

This is a capitalist country, not a communistic or socialist one. That means that you work for what you want and you don’t sit around waiting for someone to hand you a million dollars. Publisher’s Clearing House is not going to come knocking on your door, I am pretty sure. I have the utmost respect for people who have worked their way to success, and especially for those who hit rock bottom and climbed back up, fighting all the way. I do not tolerate people who abuse the system, collecting their welfare checks while popping out more and more kids, and yet they seem to have brand new tattoos and cell phones every week. I have a problem with that. THOSE are the idiots. And they were more than likely raised by parents who did the exact same thing. People who sit around complaining about how others have more than they do, how it’s not fair, how it’s all Obama’s fault. Or Bush’s fault. Someone else’s fault, anyone’s fault except their own. Because it can’t be their responsibility that they are in the situation they are in, right? Idiots. Everyone has choices. Your situation is a direct result of choices you make. Now.....don’t go all apeshit on me. I am NOT talking about people who are in dire straits due to unfortunate circumstances......people who were laid off because the company closed, people who were injured and legitimately cannot work, people who have genuine reasons that have caused their situations. So get off your high horses. 

Ahhh, bigotry......such a vile word and such a hateful thing. I am very much for equal rights for everyone. Don’t agree? Get OVER IT! No one cares whether or not you agree, but you don’t have the right to tell other people how to live. I cannot understand people who think they have to right to judge how other people live their lives. If someone is happy, why does that make you angry? And furthermore, why in the hell do you care? Again, we have the bible thumpers screaming and hollering that it’s wrong, it’s against the Bible, blah blah blah. It's against  your religion? Who fucking cares? I’m sorry, but at what point did the Bible become the law of the land? This country was NOT founded on Christianity, contrary to what a lot of so-called Christians would have you believe. It was founded in part on the freedom of religion, which includes the freedom NOT to believe. This country is a melting pot......there are people here of all backgrounds, religions, beliefs, and cultures. The Christian “Right” are losing their ever-loving minds. 

Children are not born to hate, to be intolerant, to be bigots, to be hateful. Children learn racism from racist parents. Children learn bigotry from parents who are bigots. Children learn intolerance, hatred, fear, absolutism, nonchalance, and disregard for the feelings of others from parents who exhibit the same traits. Children repeat things they hear at home and they do it at school, at parties, at friend’s houses. And I guarantee you the adults in attendance know where it came from. 

Teach your children to appreciate the differences in each other and in the people around them. Teach them to be courteous. Teach them to accept people for who they are. Teach them that it’s ok to walk away from someone if that person is hateful, rude, intolerant, or bigoted....even if it’s a friend. Teach them to ask questions. Teach them that how other people live their lives is not their business, and it doesn’t affect them. Teach them to love. Teach all of this by doing it yourself. Every day. Teach them to stand up for what they believe in, but to do it with dignity, and that it’s not ok to degrade, humiliate, or insult others simply because their opinions differ.  

In other words, don’t let them grow up to be idiots. 

(Oh, and manners, PLEASE teach them manners.)

Mom Pet Peeves

I'm just gonna make a list. No elaboration needed. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

• Automatic flushing toilets (anyone who's ever been through potty training can relate)
• Automatic faucets that don't work
• Automatic faucets that only give out hot water (whose bright idea was that? As if it wasn't hard enough to get your kid to wash their hands in the restroom)
• Hand dryers that scare the crap out of kids
• High chairs in restaurants with broken buckles 
• Booster seats in restaurants (except Cracker Barrel, theirs ROCK)
• Servers in restaurants who decide to bring the kids their food first without asking the parents
• Servers in restaurants who decide to bring the kid a big bowl of whipped cream because the kid is throwing a fit (yeah, that actually happened)
• Servers in restaurants who bring food to everyone at the table EXCEPT the kids (good grief)
• Restaurants that claim to be family friendly but have no changing facilities (I have been known to change a poopy diaper on a booth seat just to make a point)
• Chuck E. Cheese ('nuff said)
• Planners of public parks in hot climates (I'm in Texas) that do not put shade structures over playground equipment (sorry, but that stuff gets ridiculously hot in the summer - why don't you put some shorts on and slide and see how it feels?)
• Public parks meant for young children that have no bathroom facilities (I know it's a lot more money, but seriously?)
• The fact that every grocery store doesn't have a play place for kids so the moms can shop in peace (I would PAY for this)
• CANDY AT THE CHECK OUT LINES (SO HELP ME GOD ONE OF THESE DAYS I AM GOING TO LOSE IT IN THE GROCERY STORE)
• People who think the peanut allergy is a fad
• People who make fun of other people's children, especially in front of their own
• People who don't take time to explain certain things to their children......for example, while on vacation we encountered a young man with Down's Syndrome. His case was severe. He wanted to shake my hand and I was glad to do it. He was very loud and very excited. I have been a teacher for many years and I have worked with many different children, so I wasn't afraid at all. My oldest, however, was very scared of him. I took the time to explain to her what Down's Syndrome was and that he was just happy, and that there was absolutely nothing to be afraid of. The boy's father was very thankful, and I know that he doesn't always get that kind of reaction from people, which is very sad.
• Parents who exhibit bad manners, a lack of courtesy, rudeness, or any other inappropriate behavior in front of their children
• ANY PARENT WHO HAS EVER DUCT TAPED THEIR CHILDREN TO A WALL
• Honey Boo Boo and her skank of a mother
• And for that matter, any pageant moms
• Parents who try to be their children's buddy instead of their parent
• Rental car companies who try to give you a 2 door sports car when you clearly have two full size car seats (yes, I would LOVE to drive the sports car, thanks for reminding me that I am very much a mom right now)
• Rental car companies in general
• Flight attendants with attitudes
• Any parent who has every taken their toddler to a movie in a theater (unless it's animated, age appropriate, and engaging) especially after bedtime
• People who offer unsolicited parenting advice
• Grocery baggers who put baby food in the same bag with raw meat (had to call the manager at the store about that one)
• People who drive with small children in the front seat (children who are clearly not old enough to be sitting there)
• Women who use public bathrooms and pee all over the toilet (or worse) and don't clean up after themselves.....seriously, girls!! There is no need to hover. And whether you do or don't, have the courtesy to turn around and make sure you didn't leave a mess. 
• Women who use public bathrooms and WALK OUT WITHOUT WASHING THEIR HANDS. Gross. Just gross.
• People who chew with their mouths open and talk with their mouths full of food. Again, just gross. It's hard to teach my kids that doing that is not ok when they look around and everyone is doing it. You look like cows. 
• Daylight Savings Time
• Delivery people who ring the doorbell during naptime even though I have a sign CLEARLY posted that says "Please Do Not Ring the Bell"
• Random solicitors who ring the doorbell
• Dog hair
• Laundry
• Misspelled, professionally printed signs.....even my oldest is starting to point them out. Yes, people, spelling matters.
• The whole "pants around the thighs with boxers showing" trend. I mean really? What is up with that? You look like an idiot, pull your pants up.

I'm sure I'll think of more. In the meantime, I've got laundry to do.

Feel free to add your own!

Stupid People, Part 2: Parents

Yep, parents.

So let's start with the mother of the two brothers responsible for the vicious attacks in Boston.

Ok so I get it. You're their mother. You're supposed to think they're innocent. But I am pretty sure this applies to your child pushing someone on the playground, pulling a little girl's hair, or stealing gum from the candy store. Lady, your older son had explosives strapped to his body and he was shooting at the police. We kind of get testy when that happens. You say you regret bringing them to America? Why don't you tell that to the families of the four people they murdered? Freakin' nut job.

Hold on, I need a second. Deep breaths. Ok.

Next, we'll move on to examples of parents who have little or no common sense. A perfect example? Right here.....

I'm sorry, but I will argue with anyone who says it's "normal" to give a FIVE YEAR OLD a real, working shotgun for their birthday. A child that age does not have the mental capability to understand the seriousness of what a weapon like that is capable of. But then to leave the room, leaving the gun with said child, LOADED, with your two year old in the room?? 

WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?????? 

Oh wait, you were the same person who gave the gun to the five year old in the first place. Never mind.  

I have two children. They are five years apart. I cannot even imagine the horror of this situation. May that sweet baby girl rest in peace, may that poor sweet boy somehow move on and become a productive part of society, and may those parents never, ever forget that it is their fault for putting that gun in that child's hands. And if any of you try to argue and tell me it was an accident, you can just can it. That's bullshit and you know it. 

Ok, hang on again. I'm gonna need a couple of seconds here. Lord have mercy. 

All righty then. Let's talk about the parents who want to be their kid's buddy. Their pal. Hell, even their best friend. These people joke at inappropriate times, throw food across the table with their kids trying to get them to laugh, use sarcasm when it's not needed or wanted, and generally make asses out of themselves trying to live vicariously through their children. These are the the moms of the Honey Boo Boo's, the parents of the Lindsay Lohan's, and pretty much any other parent who would subject their children to being on a reality show. The above mentioned people? I can't even get started on them, because I would never stop writing. That Honey Boo Boo chick is a total train wreck, beating out Lindsay Lohan by a smidge, and only because her mother is even scarier. Pageant moms. There's a topic for another day.

Then you have the enablers. These parents are the ones who smile and laugh when their kids tell them, "I hate you." They're the ones who buy anything and everything the kid wants because they want the kids to like them. They do the "talking" thing instead of actual consequences, because they are afraid of harming their child's self-esteem somehow. These are also the Helicopter Parents. They hover, circle, and swoop in at the first sign of any struggle, never letting the child figure anything out for themselves. They blame the teachers, the other students, the principal, and hell, even the lunch ladies in school for their child's poor grades or issues because it just can't be anything the child is doing wrong. Any trouble the kid gets into must be someone else's fault. They will continually bail their children out of any situation, so much so that by the time the child graduates, they have no idea how to fend for themselves.

I am not a perfect parent. I have never claimed to be. But I have worked with kids of all ages, in preschool and as a teacher in elementary school. I've changed more diapers than most of you will ever see in a lifetime, I've worn so many hats I've lost count, I've done it all. And do I know everything? Absolutely not. But would I ever do this??

Of course not. Why? Because I am not an idiot.

I am a child of a nasty divorce, and I come from the most dysfunctional family....seriously, Dr. Phil would have a FIELD DAY with these people. I grew up in the south with racism, bigotry, intolerance, and hatred, and yet I put myself through college, I contribute to charities, I married a wonderful, successful man who has his priorities straight, I strongly believe in being kind to others (unless they give you reasons not to be), I am very strict about social rules, manners, and etiquette, and my children and I try to practice random acts of kindness whenever we get the chance. We thank service men and women when we see them, we bake cookies for the fire and police departments, and we volunteer and get involved with our town. Why am I telling you this? BECAUSE A BAD PAST IS NO EXCUSE FOR A FAILING PRESENT. Blaming your inadequacies as a parent on your upbringing is just crap. People who refuse to take responsibility for their actions and who blame all of their troubles on others just piss me off. You make choices. Don't blame others if you made crappy ones.

I love it when I hear, "I can't control my children." Really? At what point did you decide to give up on being a parent and let the kids walk all over you? Kids misbehaving in the restaurant? LEAVE. Give them one warning. Then leave. It might be inconvenient for you, but they'll get the point. Kids not listening at the mall, or whining because they are not getting everything they want? LEAVE. Kids acting up in the grocery store? Yep, you guessed it.....LEAVE. Even if you have a full cart of groceries. I have walked up to a manager, pushed my cart full of food over to them, apologized profusely, and walked out of the store with a screaming child. I have also put my child in time out in the middle of the store. You are the parent. Act like it. You are the one in control. Act like it. My first born tries every day to push my buttons and get her way, and every day it doesn't work. You'd think she would have figured that out by now. 

Oh and here's a good one........I've got news for you, people.....not everyone thinks your kids are as cute as YOU think they are. So if your kids are being loud in a public place, especially when it's inappropriate, it is {newsflash!} your job to take care of the situation. This is especially directed at you.....oh brainiac parents who take their toddlers to R-rated movies that start at 8 or 9 pm. This is also directed at the parents who do nothing to keep their children entertained on airplanes, buses, subway trains, or other enclosed spaces, and the parents who are oblivious to the fact that their children are bothering or touching other people. Just last night my husband and I were having dinner, sitting outside on the patio of our favorite restaurant. The man sitting with his back to my husband picked up his son, who looked to be about three years old. The child kept poking my husband in the back. I used my mommy tone and told the child to keep his hands to himself, dad stayed oblivious. Kid did it again, my husband turned around and said, "Hey!" The kid stopped, dad stayed oblivious. 

Now, I love kids. I really do. I focus in on kids anywhere I go before I notice adults. I love talking to kids, I love interacting with kids. It's one of the reasons I became a teacher. But one thing I hate is for kids or anyone to invade my personal space. Even when it's my own kids. I just need my space. Hugs and cuddles are different, but don't just start messing with me. I can't take it. So one thing that makes me nuts is standing in lines in public places. People do NOT control their children or pay attention to them at all. I have had kids (and I am talking teenagers) stand right up next to me while waiting in line. I have had people standing behind me holding children where the children have pulled my hair. I take a step forward, they take a step forward. Seriously, I don't belong to you! Back the heck off! I will loudly tell my children not to get into other people's space, if only to make the point to other people standing around us. I will say, "Those people don't belong to us, don't stand so close," or, "There is no reason for us to stand so closely to these nice people, let's give them their space." Does it work? Yeah, not so much. People are just clueless. And it's just getting worse.  

I've said for years that I think it's absolutely ridiculous that you must have a license to catch a fish or shoot a gun, but any moron can have a child. Does anyone else feel the same way?

Here's an idea......start making parents responsible for the stupid crap their children do. Kid brings a weapon to school? Teenage boys get into a fight at a game? Haul the parents in.....and chastise them for not teaching their children to know better. How about the teenage girl that flipped off the judge in the courtroom? Her parents should also have been fined for raising such a brat. Lindsay Lohan, anyone? Her parents should have been spade and neutered before they were ever even allowed to have children.  Then we have the teenage girls that throw their babies in trash cans. The bullies who harass their schoolmates to the point of suicide. How about the 17 year old soccer player in Utah who punched the referee in the side of the head after being issued a foul, ultimately killing him? How is it that these people are allowed to raise these completely unproductive, sociopathic, disrespectful, conscience free individuals and then unleash them into society for all of us to deal with? Where is the logic in that? Maybe if people KNEW there would be consequences for raising children who are complete reprobates, they might think twice before having children OR they might really try to do a better job of raising them in the first place. 

And the creme de la creme? The icing on the cake? The "OH MY GOD I WANT TO PUNCH THIS WOMAN IN THE FACE THROUGH MY COMPUTER SCREEN!!!"?

Yep, I'll leave you with that one. Y'all have a nice day.