Don't rock the boat, it's almost time for school

It's my tenth summer as a mom. We have one week left. One more week of rowing this boat and trying not to let it tump over. We've made it this far.

The oldest is going into fourth grade. The youngest has one more year of preschool. I feel like time has sped by at a rate that I was neither prepared nor hanging on for. I asked the hubs the other day if he missed those two little babies we had, those precious cherub faced toddlers with personalities that wowed us every day. "Nope," was his firm answer. "These two are potty-trained." Well, he has a point.

Honestly, I'd love to be one of those moms who can't wait for school to be out. Who plans activities at home and peruses Pinterest all night trying to find more fun things to do. One who mourns the start of school as the end of an era. One whose summers are spent in quiet observation of her children at play, noticing every changing nuance as time goes by. (Seriously, who has time for that?)

Who am I kidding? That's not me. Me? I'm skipping down the aisles of the mall shopping for school clothes and shoes with glee. I'm marking off the days to the calendar like the first day of school is a vacation to Cabo. You know why? Because school is good for them, and it's good for me. They get to let their creativity flow, they get to be social, they are exposed to experiences and learning they don't get at home. I get to go to the grocery store in peace. hit the gym without a time limit, meet a friend for lunch every so often, finish projects on the house, volunteer for the school and the community, and run errands without chasing down the youngest every five minutes.

So yes, I look forward to school starting. I look forward to having some time to get things done in relative peace and quiet. Am I going to apologize for that? Am I going to let anyone make me feel badly about it? Absolutely not. We all have different parenting styles. As long as you're not abusing your children, as long as they're happy and well-fed, you're fine. You don't have to be a perfect mom to be a good one.

So yes, I will send my children off to school with a sigh of relief. Yet before they go, I will tell them this:

1. You are incredibly special. Some people may not see it, and that's ok. The people who do see it are the only ones that matter. Don't ever be afraid to be yourselves and don't ever think you have to change to make anyone happy. It doesn't work that way. True friends don't ask you to be anyone but yourself.

2. Love is all around you. Mommy and Daddy love you more than you will ever know. And you know what? So many other people do, too. Aunts, uncles, cousins, friends. People who have never even met you. Your teachers will come to love you, too. If you get sad or worried, just think of that.

3. Mommy and Daddy will always be there. I might be a few minutes late at times, and sometimes it might be daddy when you didn't expect him, but we will always be there. Even later in life, whenever you need us, we'll be there.

4. You are smart enough and capable enough to do what is asked of you. So many times I hear from you, "I can't." And what do I say? I say, "Oh yes, you can!" There isn't anything you'll be asked to do that you can't do. There isn't anything you can't do if you put your mind to it (well, except fly, although that would be cool). I want you to walk into every assignment, every project, every challenge and say, "I CAN do this!"

5. Raise your hand. Accept new challenges. Don't be afraid to speak up, don't be afraid to answer questions. Sometimes you might be wrong, and that's ok. Most times you might be right, and that's great! But unless you raise your hand, you'll never know, will you?

6. Be accepting of others. Just as I said you were incredibly special, so is every other person at your school and in your life in some way. Get to know new people. Foster friendships you have. And never, ever judge anyone based on their appearance. Remember what you've been taught: people come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. If they're nice to you, be nice to them. And beyond that......if you see someone who's quiet, go try and talk to them. If you see someone who's upset, go try to help. Above all, if you see someone being bullied, stand up for them.

7. Do what's right. Don't do what everyone else is doing simply because they're doing it. You know right from wrong. I trust you.

8. You have the brightest future. 4th grade, preschool. Such a tiny start to a huge journey. But it doesn't matter what direction you choose to go, we will be right behind you, cheering you on, knowing you can do it. Anything you want. My 4th grader, you've told me you want to be a horse rider and a wedding dress designer. If that's still what you want when you reach high school, then that's what you'll work towards. Because you're going to be and do what makes you happy.

9. School is important. It's important for you to learn. It's important for you to listen. It's important for you to understand and follow the rules. It's ok to question them sometimes, but you must follow them. School is an important part of your growing up. At times it's going to be fun, at times it will be hard work, but you'll feel so proud when you know you've done your best.

10. Do your best. That's all we ask. We have never expected either of you to be perfect, we will never expect perfection. All we want is for you to do your best. Always. Whether it's a simple homework paper, a lengthy project, or even making your bed. Just do your best.

I don't expect them to listen. I don't expect any of this to sink in. Over the years it will, hopefully. It's something we'll repeat and foster in them year after year. I might not be the perfect parent. I might not be the crafty, hands on, cookie-baking mom that all the neighborhood kids love. I loathe Play-Doh, I despise messes, I lose my temper.

Know what else I do? I apologize to my kids when I'm wrong. I apologize when I've let stress get to me. I tell them that I love them. I encourage them. I reinforce their strengths. There are so many things I could do better, but there are so many things I know I do well.

If you're in that boat with me, you are doing just fine. We'll row together, ok?

OBM

Don't get spun by Internet rumors. (From www.factcheck.org)

Words cannot express how tired I am of the drama. Watching and listening to these politicians is worse than nails on a chalkboard. I am amazed that these right wing nutjobs claim to be pro-life, and yet many of the victims of this shutdown are children. The propaganda being spewed by those against the AFFORDABLE CARE ACT is mind-boggling. What's even worse is the number of people who actually believe most of it. And the birthers.....holy crap. Obama is not Kenyan, his ancestry is from Kenya. And unless you are 100% Native American, your ancestors weren't from here either. He is also not Muslim. And even if he were, that would not preclude him from being the President of the United States.

Seriously, people......the Koolaid is BEYOND tainted and you shouldn't be drinking it. And you look pretty silly in those tin foil hats.

Just sayin'.

*********************************************************************************

From www.factcheck.org:

Don’t get spun by Internet rumors.

Just because you read it on somebody’s blog or in an email from a friend or relative doesn’t mean it’s true. It’s probably not, as we advised in our special report “Is this chain e-mail true?” on March 18, 2008. On this page we feature a list of the false or misleading viral rumors we’re asked about most often, and a brief summary of the facts. But click on the links to read the full articles. There is a lot more detail in each answer. If you’re looking for articles about other viral claims, please use our search function.

Will doctors be required to ask patients questions about their sexual history under the Affordable Care Act?
No. A program created by the stimulus law – not Obamacare — encourages health professionals to use electronic records. But there is no requirement in the program to ask anything about sexual history.
Oct. 1, 2013

Does the health care law contain a “hidden” tax on hunting and fishing equipment?
No. There is a 2.3 percent excise tax on certain medical devices. Cabela’s, a Nebraska sporting goods company, applied the tax to some of its customers’ purchases by mistake.
Sep. 18, 2013

Will there be forced home inspections under the Affordable Care Act?
No. The law provides grants for state home-visiting programs for expectant and new parents. The programs are voluntary and participants can opt out any time.
Aug. 26, 2013

Is it true that there are bills in Congress that would exempt members and their staffs and families from buying into “Obamacare”?
No. Congress members and staffers will be required to buy insurance through the exchanges on Jan. 1.
May 3, 2013; Updated on Aug. 7, 2013

Do 11 states now have more people on welfare than they have employed?
A viral email making this claim is off base. It distorts a Forbes article that compares private-sector workers with those “dependent on the government,” including government workers and pensioners, and Medicaid recipients — not just “people on welfare.”
Jan. 11, 2013

Is President Obama honoring Jane Fonda as one of the women of the century?
No. That was done 11 years ago by Barbara Walters of ABC News.
Nov. 22, 2010

Did Muslim terrorists stage a “dry run” on AirTran flight 297?
The airline and an eyewitness say this e-mailed claim is “an urban legend” spread by persons who “live in a fantasy world.”
Dec. 14, 2009

Are Obama’s early records “sealed”?
No. Many records that presidential candidates don’t ordinarily release do remain confidential, but they are not “sealed” by a court. The 16 claims in a widely distributed graphic are mostly false or distorted.
July 31, 2012

Does the Obama administration intend to “force gun control and a complete ban on all weapons for U.S. citizens” through a United Nations treaty?
No. The administration plans to negotiate a treaty to regulate the international export and import of weapons. It says that it won’t support any treaty that regulates the domestic transfer or ownership of weapons, or that infringes on the Second Amendment.
June 27, 2012

Did Barack and Michelle Obama “surrender” their law licenses to avoid ethics charges?
No. A court official confirms that no public disciplinary proceeding has ever been brought against either of them, contrary to a false Internet rumor. By voluntarily inactivating their licenses, they avoid a requirement to take continuing education classes and pay hundreds of dollars in annual fees. Both could practice law again if they chose to do so.
June 14, 2012

Is it true that members of Congress, their staffers and their family members do not have to pay back their student loans?
Not true. Some congressional employees are eligible to have up to $60,000 of student loans repaid after several years — just like other federal workers. But that’s not the case for members of Congress or their families.
Jan. 6, 2011

Is there any truth in the e-mail claiming to give “a few highlights from the first 500 pages of the Healthcare bill”?
Barely. We examined all 48 claims, finding 26 of them to be false and 18 to be misleading, only partly true or half true. Only four are accurate.
Aug. 28, 2009

Will Muslim Americans be exempt from the mandate to have health insurance? 
The Muslim faith does not forbid purchasing health insurance, and no Muslim group has ever been considered exempt under the definitions used in the health care law.
May 20, 2010

What about the “Congressional Reform Act of 2011″?
A viral e-mail calls for fixing some abuses and excesses that don’t exist, repeating misinformed claims that we’ve addressed before.
March 18, 2011

Does Illinois pay a grandmother $1,500 per month per child to be the foster parent to her eight grandchildren?
No. State officials have no record of such a case, and state law would not allow it. This second-hand story spread by a Danville urologist isn’t true.
Dec. 10, 2010

Has President Obama canceled the May 6 National Day of Prayer?
No. This widely circulated falsehood echoes similar claims made last year when the president issued a pro-prayer-day proclamation but didn’t hold White House services as President Bush had done.
April 29, 2010

Is the ACLU suing to have cross-shaped headstones removed from military cemeteries?
The ACLU has filed no such suit, and it hasn’t sued to “end prayer from the military” either.
July 5, 2009

Has a “smoking gun” been found to prove Obama was not born a U.S. citizen? Did he attend Occidental College on a scholarship for foreign students?
This chain e-mail is a transparent April Fools’ Day hoax. It fabricates an AP news story about an nonexistent group, and makes false claims about Obama and the Fulbright program.
May 7, 2009

Is Congress about to give Social Security to illegal immigrants?
No. Congress hasn’t voted on any measure to pay benefits to illegal immigrants, and has no plans for any such vote.
March 1, 2009
(This long-standing falsehood was bandied about back in 2006 and again during the 2008 presidential election.)

Was Obama born in the U.S.A.?
Yes. We give you the truth about Obama’s birth certificate.
Aug. 21, 2008
Updated Nov. 1, 2008

Is there a connection between FactCheck.org and Barack Obama or Bill Ayers?
None, aside from benefiting at different times from the charity of the late publisher Walter Annenberg. We are a project of the Annenberg Public Policy Center of the University of Pennsylvania and get funding from the Annenberg Foundation, created by Walter Annenberg in 1989. Ayers was one of three Chicago educators who applied for a grant from the Annenberg Foundation in 1995, which was one of 5,200 grants the foundation made during its first 15 years. That $49 million grant, plus additional funds raised locally, funded the Chicago Annenberg Challenge, which sought to improve Chicago public schools. Obama was selected by Chicago officials (not Ayers) to chair the board set up to administer Annenberg Challenge funds, and he headed it until 1999. FactCheck.org came into being in late 2003. For other details see our Oct. 10, 2008, article about Obama and Ayers, which includes a sidebar: “FactCheck.org and the ‘Annenberg Challenge.’ “

The Day I Almost Threw My Baby Down the Trash Chute

Yeah, so let me explain.....before Child Services and the FBI show up at my door. Wait, there's the doorbell.......pizza's here!

So there was life before children. You know, life where you didn't worry about getting home at a certain hour, where staying out until last call was pretty much a given on the weekends, and you could go to the grocery store whenever you wanted, even a couple of times in one day if you had to. Alone. With time to browse. Actually read a label or two. Grown up stuff.

Now I don't know about most of you, but I didn't have my first child until I was over thirty. Before that, I worked in child care, retail, and as a teacher in elementary school. I've worked with kids of all ages since I was twelve.....babysitting, working with camps, at church (yes, I actually went to church), and volunteering. I'd always wanted to be a teacher, and so I put myself through college, got my degree, and worked for the public school system for several years.

For years I had the chance to observe the parents of the children I worked with. Parents of varying age, experience, backgrounds, and ideas. I would think to myself often that, "I'll do that differently", or, "Wow I'm going to have to remember that when I have kids," or, "Oh HELL no that did NOT just happen."

Kids throwing a fit in a restaurant? Oh my children would be taught to know better. Child pitching a fit in the grocery store over candy? My children will be standing quietly, hands folded behind their back, waiting patiently for me to finish checking out. Teenager in the department store arguing about why she needs a $100 pair of jeans? Oh no, my children will be taught to be respectful and to value themselves, no matter what they're wearing. I was full of judgement and self-righteousness, knowing that when I had my own children, things were going to be different.

And WOW are they different.

We all hear the saying that babies don't come with owner's manuals. There is SO MUCH that you don't get told about what it's like to all of the sudden have this tiny life literally in your hands. And you're expected to keep it alive. For like, EVER. Sure, they'll help you learn to breast feed, they'll ask you if you know how to change a diaper, they'll even help you give the baby a sponge bath in the hospital. They'll show you how to swaddle, how to support her head, the basic stuff. Then they'll send you home  like you know what you're doing. And you leave the hospital absolutely terrified.

And then it sets in. PARENTAL PARANOIA. Come on.....you know you've had it. Situations that before seemed completely innocent are now danger-prone death traps that might harm your newborn baby. You'll conjure up these ridiculous scenarios of what MIGHT happen to the point that you'll give yourself mini panic attacks thinking they could actually come true.

Hence the trash chute. When my oldest was just barely a year old, we moved up to the Boston area. Until we found a house, we had a temporary apartment in the city. We were on the 8th floor. My husband went to work every day, leaving me, the baby and the dog to fend for ourselves in a city I knew nothing about. I do know that I am NOT an urban dweller. By any stretch. I need grass. (No, not that kind.) But I digress. Anyway, to take out your trash, you had to go down the hall, use a key to open the trash closet door, and put the trash down the chute. Most of the time, I was holding my daughter in one arm and holding the trash in the other. After doing that a few times, I told my husband that I would no longer take the trash down, he would have to do it. Why? Because I would have little panic attacks as I stood there and I would think to myself, "What if I put the wrong one down the trash chute?" I would envision this to the point where I would literally get sick to my stomach.

Now OF COURSE that wasn't going to happen. I am not a complete idiot. I do have my moments, but for the most part I'm a pretty intelligent, level-headed girl. Really I am. But having this little life that I was completely responsible for just changed my perception on so many things. Normal, every day things. Simple, common sense things. But you become so much more aware of the dangers out there, the things that can hurt you, your child, your family.........and I haven't even gotten to the dangers that include the crazy people. That's a whole other blog for a whole other day. Hell, that's a book right there.

So, parental paranoia. It's that feeling of panic when you can't see your child in the department store even though you know for a fact that he's standing on the other side of the t-shirt you're looking at. It's those ridiculous scenarios you'll create in your head when you're driving down the road about what exactly would happen if the car went into the lake.......how would you get out? How would you get the kids out? Then you realize you live in a desert. It's the wide-eyed panic you feel when your little one is eating a cracker and coughs.....and you're sure they're choking to death and you hope to God you can remember how to do the Heimlich on a toddler. It's seeing the video of the woman leaving her stroller on the train platform......and the stroller rolling off.......and the train hitting it (the baby, miraculously, was fine)......and thinking to yourself that you're going to handcuff yourself to the handle of your stroller every single time you use it from now on. It's checking on your newborn fifteen times a night during their first year because you've been staring at the video monitor for an hour and you just can't be sure they're still breathing. It's all of those things that common sense would tell you don't make sense, and yet it doesn't matter.

It's Parental Paranoia. And no one tells you about it. And it doesn't go away. But it's real. It's out there. And it's not fun.

Good grief......when my kids start driving I might just have to check myself into a mental institution.

OBM

My Baby Called Me Momma: An Epiphany

So it's not often that I have one of those "Ah ha!" moments. I would venture to say that the same is true for most parents. We tend to get through each day on cruise control, going through our routines and just hoping to make it to bedtime with some degree of sanity left. And I don't know about you, but every night after my babies are in bed, tucked in safe and sound and snug as bugs, I sit and I think about a million things I wish I had done differently during the day. Things I wish I had said or not said. Reactions I had to situations that were either over the top or not reactive enough. I am so far from being a perfect parent it's not even remotely funny. I lose sleep over this. I really do.

The other day, the hubs and I were out to lunch with the girls. It was a normal day, a normal lunch, nothing special. Both of the girls were playing with their iPads (no judging) while we were waiting for our meals to be brought to the table (and yes, they put them away when our food arrives). I'm sitting there trying to have an adult conversation with my husband, and naturally my youngest wants to tell me about every single thing going on with the screen on her device. Most of the time, I'm like, "Yep, that's great," or, "Wow! That's awesome," not actually looking at what she's showing me. Come on, you do the same thing. There's only so many times you can look at the Dora game before you want to pull your hair out.

But then she said, "Oh look, I made it blue, Momma!"

There was something in her voice, such a sense of joy, that it made me stop and just look at her. I don't know what it was, it was something she had said many times before, in one version or another. But it just made me catch my breath. For a while I just sat there and studied her face, her hair, the different looks she would make as she was concentrating, her perfect skin, marveling at how this tiny creature was mine, was created inside of me, and how, for now at least, I (and her daddy) am the center of her whole world. I looked over at her older sister, and tried just looking at her, but I got the, "What??" question, so I smiled and let it go. The whole experience didn't last more than a couple of minutes, but it was quite humbling, and it brought tears to my eyes.  Here was this amazing little person, calling me "Momma". Something I waited for my whole life. Something I had heard her sister say a million times, and I remember feeling amazed the first time I heard it. But this time, something just hit me.

My husband and I talk a lot about how lucky we are. Just the other day he was telling me that a coworker of his told him about a good friend who had just had a baby, but the lungs weren't developed enough and the baby passed within a day. We have friends and family who have had babies with severe birth defects. We also have friends and family who have either never been able to have children or have struggled and struggled with fertility treatments and doctor intervention to have just one child. I have PCOS, and we didn't get married until I was in my early 30's. I was positive we were going to have to go through fertility treatments and all of that in order to get pregnant. I was actually pretty scared that we were never going to be able to have children. I just wanted one. My whole life I had wanted to be a mom. I always thought that if I was just lucky enough to have one, I would be content. Never in my life did I ever imagine I would be blessed with two beautiful girls, neither of whom were conceived with any drugs or fertility intervention at all. They are truly amazing babies. My first born was a preemie, and she spent over a week in the NICU, but she is quite healthy now and so amazingly smart, precocious, sassy, independent, gorgeous and at the same time incredibly vulnerable that there are many times that I just don't know what to do with her. The youngest was full term, hale, and hearty and is now three. Enough said.

So again, we try to appreciate how lucky we are. When we see children in wheelchairs, children who have obvious disabilities, when we hear stories about tragic births like the one above, or friends who have miscarried, or other sad news, we look at each other and know that we are lucky. And yet, we still take for granted our two beautiful, well-mannered (most of the time) girls. Every single day. We take for granted the fact that they can walk independently, communicate effectively (and sometimes a little too well), go to the restroom by themselves (finally).......we take their very existence for granted, like we deserved these amazingly gorgeous creatures to be ours.

I could say I am going to try to change. I could say I will take the time every day to stop and appreciate these precious little people and how amazing they are, each in their own way. I am their mother, I love them more than my own life, I will protect them from any harm, giving my own life in the process if I have to. But I am also human. I get tired, I get frustrated, I get annoyed, and honestly.......there are only so many times you can hear your name being called in the space of two minutes before you are ready to break something. Seriously. If you can't relate to that, PLEASE, tell me your secret.

What I will say is that I will TRY. I will try to slow down and appreciate the little moments where my children are being children, I will try to cherish the smiles and the impromptu "i love you's" more, and I will do my best to not let my frustration with myself carry over into any frustration I have with them. What do I mean? I am a terrible time manager. I try to tell myself I'm not, but I am. And when we are running late, I get stressed and frustrated, and it's no one's fault but mine. So I am going to change that. For all of us. Because these two little people deserve happy mornings and yummy breakfasts, not "hurry ups" and frozen pancake sticks.

I'm gonna go get some hugs and kisses now.

XOXOXOX

One Blunt Mom

Letting Go of Your Past for the Sake of Your Children's Future

Hello friends.



This is a blog I have been wanting to write for a while, I just haven't been quite sure how to put it down on paper, so to speak. Many people know my history and the severely dysfunctional family I come from, but to put it out there in such a public forum has been a little daunting.

You know from my posts on my page that I am pretty passionate about my views on different topics. A lot of those views differ greatly from how I was brought up. But I thought you guys deserved to know where I am coming from most of the time, and so many of you have been so supportive and encouraging that I decided it was time to share.

I grew up in a small affluent community in the midwest, very white bread, everyone belonged to the country club and everyone went to the same church. Funny, since I was baptized in an Episcopalian church not too far away, but this church was Baptist. Must not have mattered, since it was closer to home. We had a golf cart, mom and dad played golf every weekend, they played in golf tournaments, went to parties, were very social, and all of that jazz. It was actually a nice place to live and grow up.

When I was 9 years old, all of that fell apart. My parents informed my two brothers and me that they were divorcing. My mother packed the three of us kids up and moved us back to Texas to be near my grandparents (NOT the go fishing, cookie baking, hugs and kisses type, trust me). This was the summer before I started 6th grade. With regards to the divorce, it was just nasty and so completely inappropriate with regards to what we were told. For years, my brothers and I were fed so much poison against my father from everyone from grandparents to aunts, uncles, and cousins.......everything was his fault, he was a terrible person, how could he have treated my mother that way, and so on and so on. I felt the need to grow up really fast, because I felt that I needed to take care of my mother and be strong for her. My older brother and younger brother stayed pretty clueless, and my older brother held onto such hatred for my father (and has to this day) that he was never much help. The few times I saw my father after the divorce, there was such animosity anytime he would try to pick us up or come into contact with any other family member that it just got really uncomfortable. At one point he came over to pick up my younger brother and me at my grandparent's house, and my grandfather walked out onto the driveway with a shotgun. Yeah. I was sitting in the car. Over the years my father and I had an on again/off again relationship, more because of me than him. I had so much negativity built up from all of the crap I had been brainwashed with about him, and I had a lot of growing up to do before I could really let go of it.

So fast forward a bit, and my mom remarried when I was 13. At that time, she was working for my grandparents who had their own business. My stepfather brought nothing to the marriage, but they managed to keep running the business, although not well enough for my grandparents to continue living in their house (they ended up moving to another town into a pretty crappy neighborhood). For years I watched my mom and my stepfather struggle, neither of them able to manage money worth a crap. They morphed the business into something a little different, but it was never very successful. I also watched my mother completely enable both of my brothers for years and even to this day, and they are both in their forties. My mother and stepfather were miserable. They weren't happy at home, they weren't happy at work, they made each other's lives hell for over 25 years. My stepfather left three years ago. He had been lied to for years, and while he was no saint (the first Thanksgiving I brought my then future husband home for dinner, he threw his fork across the table and screamed and left the table because he didn't want to say what he was thankful for), I really don't blame him. Watching them all those years made me realize exactly what I DIDN'T want in my life as far as a relationship was concerned.

My first realization that my parents were racist? My best friend in 6th grade was black. We are still friends, mostly through Facebook, and she is just gorgeous inside and out. But in 6th grade I was never allowed to go to her house, she was never allowed at mine, no sleepovers, nothing. These were the rules of my mother and stepfather. I never really got an explanation, and at one point I actually said to my mother that she was racist. My stepfather was so racist that to the day he left he would get angry that the black server at the coffee shop he went to wouldn't call him "Captain" (I am not kidding). My mother was NOT very happy with my comment. But she was then, and she is now. She is racist, intolerant, homophobic and ignorant on so many topics, and that infuriates the crap out of me.

I graduated high school in the top 7% of my class (there were like 450 of us, so not bad - class of '89, baby!), worked full time in child care to put myself through college, since there was never any illusion that anyone else was going to pay for it, and then had a very successful teaching career in public school. When I couldn't make ends meet living in an apartment on my own on a teacher's salary, I got a second job in retail. What a concept! I never asked anyone for money. (I am the only one in the family with a college degree.)

So I met my then future husband, we started dating, and married in 2003. I had our first daughter in late spring 2005 (with complications and a stay in the NICU), and I stopped working then. I am thankful every day that he has such a great career that I was able to stay home with her, and then continue to stay home when we had our second daughter in 2010. In 2006, we ended up moving to the Northeast for a little over 6 years, moving back to Texas about a year ago. Those 6+ years of living thousands of miles away really gave me a new perspective on so many things. I saw so many situations differently and I also saw how toxic a lot of them were, and how sucked into them I would get. I had the chance to become my own person, to build a life in a brand new town with new friends, new experiences, and new challenges, with people who didn't know me at all. It was actually really great.

Ok, so here's where it gets interesting. If you're still reading, you are my hero!!

When we moved back to Texas we moved back to where my brothers and my mother live. This was a huge point of discussion between my husband and me when we were deciding whether or not to move back. My older brother and his wife are just not nice people. They have done some really horrible things to me and my family, and though I have forgiven my brother, he is just not someone I can have in my life, much less around my children. My sister-in-law? She brings out the absolute worst in my brother. It's actually very sad. These are people that scream, yell, and cuss at their children. My brother has called his daughter an idiot, his son a "little shit", and other such colorful monikers. His wife is no better. That woman is just malevolent. I do not want, nor do I need, people like that around me. Oh but wait! They go to church! My mom loves to tell me how they go to church every Sunday and how involved they are. Too bad it doesn't seem to be sinking in at all. And the enabling? I could go on for ages. My mother has always been all about my older brother. I don't get it, but there it is. This is not jealousy talking, honestly. It's just a fact.

My younger brother is a former (I hope) drug addict. He says he has quit, but I just don't trust him. The fact that he ever even did drugs in the first place just floors me. He was a star football player in high school, a U.S. Marine, and I was so proud of him. His girlfriend is someone who has cussed my mother up one side and down the other, has thrown chairs at my mother, has lied to just about everyone, and loves to stab people in the back. Sounds like a winner, huh? Although I would love to have a relationship with him, since we were always close, I will NOT have her around my children. So it is what it is.

In the year we have been back, none of them have made any attempt to see us or communicate at all. I have always been the family mediator, the referee, and I am just not doing it anymore. My mother does not deal with this well. On one hand, I don't blame her, but on the other, she has enabled both of them so much their entire lives and she still does. My older brother and his wife owe her thousands of dollars that they refuse to acknowledge, and my younger brother basically tanked her business, her only source of income. She lost her house (long story, but it was her own doing), and she now has an apartment. She wants to live the life of a retired wealthy widow, but she never, ever planned for that kind of a life. I hate her situation, I hate that she let it happen, I hate that she is unhappy, but it's not up to me nor is it my responsibility to fix it. It has taken me a LONG TIME to come to that realization and be okay with it.

However, the jealousy and resentment towards me and my family is so palpable that it's hard to even have my mother over to my house. There are constant insinuations about what we can afford and how much things cost, and there are also constant requests for money. And this is someone who continually posts status updates about bible passages and other nonsense in between the absolutely hateful posts directed at Obama. My older brother will post something on his wall (or so I get told) about some wonderful thing that happened at church and then the next day he will post a status update laced with foul language berating some sports team, or Obama, or anything else he doesn't agree with. Such hypocrites. But you know what? I refuse to apologize for having a good life. I refuse to apologize for having a good marriage. My husband is amazing, he loves and respects me, he takes very good care of me and his daughters, and he works hard to do so. He does NOT work to support my mother, who is in a situation made of her own doing.

There is SOOOOOOO much more history here and so much more to the story, but I didn't want this to be a million miles long. Suffice it to say that I don't take the removal of people from my life lightly. But it is what is best for me, for my marriage, and for my children.

I do now have a relationship with my dad. It took a long time, but I have finally decided that the past is the past and there's nothing he can do to change what happened, but we can try to move forward. I want my kids to know their grandpa. And you know what? It's been amazing. We have fun together, we laugh, and my dad and my husband actually argue about who's going to pick up the check if we go out to dinner. You have no idea what a novel experience that is around here. The first time we spent time with him and my stepmom, my husband said, "Ohhhh! So THAT'S where you come from !" Ha! We can talk and debate without someone resorting to insults and swearing, and my dad actually has had some really good advice and encouragement for me when I share with him some of my frustrations about all the crap going on. I also now know a bit more of the story behind their divorce, things that make so much sense knowing my mother. Things I wish I had known a long time ago. I am thankful for him.

Ok so religion? A large part of my family consists of Baptist ministers and missionaries. I grew up in the bible belt. Some of these people are amazing, kind, generous people. But others are amazing and kind one minute, and hateful and judgmental the next. I have seen too many so called "Christians" behave in the most un-Christianlike ways possible, and it seems to be getting worse. I have no tolerance for that. I do not begrudge anyone their faith. Honestly, I envy those with a strong sense of faith. But what I do have a problem with is people who think their faith belongs in schools, in government, in public buildings. It does NOT. We should have respect for all. America was NOT founded on Christianity, people. In my opinion, agree with me or not, the bible is a work of fiction, changed so many times over the years that no one has any idea what the original work even said. It contradicts itself over and over, makes no sense a lot of the time, and was written by men who thought the world was flat. I'm sorry, but how is that any different from the Scientologists who follow a book by L. Ron Hubbard? Why couldn't I just take all seven Harry Potter books and from a new religion based on them? Voldemort as the evil one, Harry Potter as the savior? Why not? I believe in science and facts. I do have questions, I do have doubts, and that is why I would say I am agnostic more than atheist. I could go on, but I really don't want to offend any more people than I already have. And besides, I have covered this in prior blog posts.

Guns......oh boy. I honestly cannot get over the paranoia going on right now in the American Taliban (that would be the Tea Party and any other right wing nut stupid enough to believe the government is trying to repeal the second amendment). Gun restrictions have actually loosened during Obama's term. Again, all reasonable people want is for weapons capable of firing multiple rounds per minute to NOT fall into the hands of people who would use them to harm innocent people. I cannot figure out why that is so hard to understand. When the founding fathers presented the second amendment, they had absolutely NO IDEA that we would progress to the level of weaponry available today. They had muskets, revolvers, pistols, and bayonets. Cannons that took 5 or 6 men to move. I couldn't care less if you own a handgun. You have the right to protect your home and family. But no one needs to own a semi-automatic rifle, or a machine gun, or a gun capable of firing rapid, multiple rounds. No one.

Obama? I don't think he's done all that great a job, but he is the President of the United States, and I will give him the respect he deserves as such. I will NOT talk badly about him in front of my children, and his skin color has absolutely nothing to do with anything, much less his job performance. To me, it's kind of like your relatives. You can talk badly about them all you want, but if someone outside the family does it, there's hell to pay. It should be the same thing. My husband and I talk a lot about what's going on in our country, but we get really upset when people from other countries talk badly about our President and NO ONE says anything or steps up and says it's not okay. Because it's NOT okay. I think it makes us look really bad to the rest of the world.

Ok I'm gonna stop here. Partly because it's almost 3 a.m. and partly because this is already way long and those of you still reading are just freakin' saints. Seriously.

I hope this gives you a bit more insight into who I am and where I come from. If you still want to know more or you have a question, please don't hesitate to ask!

XOXOXOX

One Blunt Mom

Mommas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Idiots

With all of the political, social, and general turmoil going on lately, it seems like the crazies are coming out of the woodwork. Seriously. 

First, you have the Republican party. I mean COME ON. I am not a hard line liberal, there are many things I agree with that would be considered conservative, and there are many things I agree with that would be considered liberal. I consider myself independent. But it really seems like every time a republican opens their mouth lately some moronic comment is said that just makes more and more people run for the hills. You have this Rep. Jodi Lautenberg (R-TX). Holy hell this woman is a joke. First of all, to look at her you wonder if she’s real or just a prop from Madame Tussaud’s. Then you hear her speak, and you wish she wasn’t real. She argued against prenatal care for women because, well, “they’re not born yet.” She said that rape kits could cause abortions in women. I’m sure she has said many other stupid things, but it hurts my head too much to read much of it. She was also a key author in this last Texas legislation restricting women’s rights. I want to punch her in her plastic face. She's not the only one that has made such ridiculous comments, but most of the others have come from men, and, well......they're men. She should bloody well know better. But alas, she's an idiot. No doubt raised by a God-fearing woman who cringed at the sight of her husband, acquiesced to his every demand, believed every single thing the Bible said (even though it contradicts itself throughout), and believed the only reason for sex was to create a baby. 

You have people like Ted Cruz (R-TX), another one from Texas - good grief - who said after Obama’s comments about Trayvon Martin, that Obama “just wants to take your guns.” I’m sorry, but, HUH?? Mr. Cruz admitted he hadn’t even heard the speech. But he took the opportunity to use those same old scare tactics all those good old boys like to use, and I am sure he got a big pat on the back from the NRA at some point, also. I am so SICK of this he said/she said crap going on in our government. There is so much back biting and mud slinging, it’s embarrassing. You want Obama to stop “apologizing” for America? Stop making him have to. Mr. Cruz, you are a narrow-minded hypocrite who talks and talks about liberty for all, and yet you just helped to further restrict the rights of women in Texas with this latest bill. You are male, and until you can become pregnant and find your life in danger due to that pregnancy, or you become pregnant by rape or molestation.....oh, WAIT! That can never happen! Idiot. Here is a fantastic article for you to read....

The Neverending Wisdom of Ted Cruz

I’ve got news for you, people. The government does NOT want to take your guns. The government does NOT want to strip the 2nd amendment from the Constitution. Stop the ridiculous paranoia. What reasonable people want is restrictions on gun ownership.....let’s not put military assault rifles in the hands of the mentally ill, mmmm-kay? And I don’t care how much you like them, no one needs to own a machine gun. You’re gonna hunt with it my ass.......unless you plan on obliterating whatever it is you’re hunting, you don’t need a fucking machine gun to hunt. I love the argument that the founding fathers gave us the right to bear arms. The founding fathers could never have imagined the level of weaponry available today. And their main reason for including such an amendment was so the citizens could protect their homes from invading soldiers and native americans. It seriously cracks me up that the most vociferous about keeping their guns also tend to be the most holier than thou. Please, someone show me where it says in the Bible that you have the right to own a gun. Stop being idiots. 

Moving away from politics, because we could be there all day, I’m gonna go after the moms at the playground. You know the ones, the moms who ignore their kids, the moms who sit and chat while sipping their grande lattes, all the while completely oblivious to the fact that their precious little cherubs are causing havoc on the monkey bars. These are the kids who grow up to be bullies, “mean girls”, and spoiled brats. The moms are convinced that their kids can do no wrong, but they never observe enough to see whether that’s true or not, and they’ll be the first ones to step up and tell their little offspring how amazingly perfect they are......that they can do no wrong, everything is everyone else’s fault, and so on and so on. They get in trouble at school? It must be the teacher. They get in trouble in sports? It must be the coach. They get in trouble at a friend's house? It must be the friend. In essence, they’re creating little monsters for the rest of us to deal with. Little monsters that grow up into big, pain in the ass adults who have no idea how to navigate socially. You didn’t think these people were born that way, did you? Children learn by what they see and hear every day. 

Which brings me to bigotry and racism. I just don’t get it. Growing up, my parents were divorced when I was very young and my mother remarried a man who was very bigoted, and he brought out that very ugly side of her that I hadn’t really seen before. My best friend in sixth grade was black, but she was never allowed at my house, we couldn’t have sleepovers, and it was all just kind of brushed under the rug as to why. I actually called both of them racists at one point. I never really forgave my mother for that. But by that point I had grown up quite a bit due to the divorce, and I knew what was right and what was wrong. 

What IS wrong is judging a person by the color of their skin. Black, white, asian, hispanic, or anything else, I don’t care. As long as you are nice to me I will be nice to you. Even if you’re wearing a hoodie. But open your mouth and start spouting some punk ass nonsense? Yep, I’m done. I don’t stereotype and I don’t make blanket statements about groups of people. I do get really frustrated with people who continually use events that happened over a hundred years ago to justify their struggles now. No, I do not know what it’s like to be judged by my race. I’m pretty white bread. But I also know that there are many people, of many different backgrounds, who have worked hard to pull themselves out of their situations and make their lives better. They didn’t sit around and complain, they DID something. I don’t think anyone would say it was easy. And it makes me ill that there are people out there like that Ann Coulter bitch (that’s just stupidity walkin’ right there, her momma must be so proud....). But my husband and I teach our girls at every opportunity that what a person looks like doesn’t matter one bit.....we are nice to people unless they give us a reason not to be. I’ve had people close to me try to argue that Obama should be impeached (give me one specific reason why), that he has disrespected his office (again, specifics), and so on. I know for a fact that the biggest problem these people have with him is that he is black. That is just insanity. 

This is a capitalist country, not a communistic or socialist one. That means that you work for what you want and you don’t sit around waiting for someone to hand you a million dollars. Publisher’s Clearing House is not going to come knocking on your door, I am pretty sure. I have the utmost respect for people who have worked their way to success, and especially for those who hit rock bottom and climbed back up, fighting all the way. I do not tolerate people who abuse the system, collecting their welfare checks while popping out more and more kids, and yet they seem to have brand new tattoos and cell phones every week. I have a problem with that. THOSE are the idiots. And they were more than likely raised by parents who did the exact same thing. People who sit around complaining about how others have more than they do, how it’s not fair, how it’s all Obama’s fault. Or Bush’s fault. Someone else’s fault, anyone’s fault except their own. Because it can’t be their responsibility that they are in the situation they are in, right? Idiots. Everyone has choices. Your situation is a direct result of choices you make. Now.....don’t go all apeshit on me. I am NOT talking about people who are in dire straits due to unfortunate circumstances......people who were laid off because the company closed, people who were injured and legitimately cannot work, people who have genuine reasons that have caused their situations. So get off your high horses. 

Ahhh, bigotry......such a vile word and such a hateful thing. I am very much for equal rights for everyone. Don’t agree? Get OVER IT! No one cares whether or not you agree, but you don’t have the right to tell other people how to live. I cannot understand people who think they have to right to judge how other people live their lives. If someone is happy, why does that make you angry? And furthermore, why in the hell do you care? Again, we have the bible thumpers screaming and hollering that it’s wrong, it’s against the Bible, blah blah blah. It's against  your religion? Who fucking cares? I’m sorry, but at what point did the Bible become the law of the land? This country was NOT founded on Christianity, contrary to what a lot of so-called Christians would have you believe. It was founded in part on the freedom of religion, which includes the freedom NOT to believe. This country is a melting pot......there are people here of all backgrounds, religions, beliefs, and cultures. The Christian “Right” are losing their ever-loving minds. 

Children are not born to hate, to be intolerant, to be bigots, to be hateful. Children learn racism from racist parents. Children learn bigotry from parents who are bigots. Children learn intolerance, hatred, fear, absolutism, nonchalance, and disregard for the feelings of others from parents who exhibit the same traits. Children repeat things they hear at home and they do it at school, at parties, at friend’s houses. And I guarantee you the adults in attendance know where it came from. 

Teach your children to appreciate the differences in each other and in the people around them. Teach them to be courteous. Teach them to accept people for who they are. Teach them that it’s ok to walk away from someone if that person is hateful, rude, intolerant, or bigoted....even if it’s a friend. Teach them to ask questions. Teach them that how other people live their lives is not their business, and it doesn’t affect them. Teach them to love. Teach all of this by doing it yourself. Every day. Teach them to stand up for what they believe in, but to do it with dignity, and that it’s not ok to degrade, humiliate, or insult others simply because their opinions differ.  

In other words, don’t let them grow up to be idiots. 

(Oh, and manners, PLEASE teach them manners.)

Being a Parent Sucks Sometimes

When I was a little girl, I would play with my dolls, dreaming about the day I would have a baby of my own. My friends would come over and we would dress our dolls up, have little tea parties, pretend we were their mothers.  We imagined our days as actual mommies would be filled with flowery tea parties, dress up play, dance recitals, and beauty pageants, because of course we were only going to have girls. Our children would be perfect little angels, the epitome of society, with exquisite manners,  insane talents, and unparalleled beauty. Fantasy and imagination were encouraged in my childhood, you see.

Boy did reality kick me square in the ass.

Having children is hard. Supah hard. And I am not talking about the giving birth part.....that part was easy compared to the day in and day out challenges that raising a child (or 2, or 3, or more, for you crazy people out there) brings.

I was all set. I mean, I had worked with children of all ages for several years, including infants, I had graduated college, started my career, met my husband and married, and we decided it was time to start a family. I was in my early 30's and we were both financially and emotionally stable.

And then there came reality again.

There were complications with my pregnancy and it was very stressful. It was not the fun and enjoyable type of pregnancy I had envisioned at all. She was premature. I had a reaction to the epidural. My recovery from the c-section (she was breech) was incredibly difficult because of it. She spent some time in the NICU, which was extremely hard, emotionally and physically. I was not prepared for the roller coaster that put me through. Nothing in my life could ready me for the day I had to leave the hospital without her. It was like I left a piece of myself there. We were only gone for a couple of hours, but that was one of the hardest things I have ever done. She came home soon after (and is now very healthy and happy), and I would not wish that experience on anyone. But I was ready to be home with her, to be a mom like I had always dreamed of being, to have that life with a newborn that was perfect, just like the storybooks and pictures.

Reality again punched me in the face.

My husband's job requires him to travel. Well, because she was early, his job schedule was a little tough to work out, and he ended up traveling not too long after we brought her home. I remember sitting on the couch holding her and crying, telling him I couldn't do it. I couldn't take care of her all by myself and keep her safe. His answer? "You kind of have to." Yep, I kinda did. I had taken care of three to four babies at a time working in day care, but this one was MINE, and somehow that changed the game completely. Needless to say, we both survived. And honestly, for the new moms out there.....you really do forget how hard those first few months are.

Baby girl number two was a complete surprise.

At least they were going to be almost five years apart. That would make everything so much better, right? I mean, the oldest would be out of diapers and potty trained. The oldest would be in school most of the time and I would get to have time with the baby. The oldest would be such a great little helper, such a wonderful big sister, this was going to be perfect.

Where, exactly, do I get these insane ideas?

At least number two was born without any issues.....our stay in the hospital was actually really nice. I had a spinal this time, my recovery was remarkably easy, my first born was safe at home with grandma......it was actually relaxing. The nurses were surprised when I didn't want them to take her to the nursery, but I didn't get to have that time with my first, and I was enjoying it. They would come in, and she would be sleeping in my arms, music playing on the computer and I would be snoozing or reading a book. I had several nurses ask me if they could just hang out in my room because it was so peaceful! I really enjoyed my time with her.

Here comes that bitch reality again.

Raising children is extremely, incomparably hard. Not only in the day to day general "taking care of business" sense, but also in the energy-sucking, physically exhausting, emotionally draining and yet incredibly rewarding sense. I read a quote once that having a child was like having your heart walking around outside your body. I agree with that. You do everything you can every single day to keep them healthy, safe, and happy.....all the while trying to keep yourself sane, centered and happy while getting everything done that you need to get done. And at the end of the day, I usually realize my "to do" list still has most of the "to do's" on it. There are always regrets, things I wish I had done more of and things I wish I had done less of (yes, I am addicted to Candy Crush).

Seriously, the moms (and dads) who claim to never yell, discipline with love & logic only, create crafts with their children all day long while simultaneously vacuuming every square inch of the house and cooking a five course meal for dinner must be drinking themselves into a stupor each and every night to rein in the stress of being so perfect all day every day. I just don't buy it. I strive every day to be that kind of mom, but I'm just NOT. I yell. I get frustrated. I have gone into the other room and screamed into a pillow. I yell some more. But you know what? I also apologize. I let my girls know when I crossed the line. We talk about why what they were doing was not ok, but we also talk about why the way mommy reacted was not ok. I try using love & logic, I use time out, I use positive reinforcement, and all of that. But sometimes you've said something enough times and given enough warnings that a swat on the butt is what it takes to get through to them. Don't agree? Fine. You parent the way you want, and I will parent the way I want. My children do not get spanked very often, but they know when they do, that they have pushed all limits.

So right there, I know that the comments will include judgments about spanking. And THAT'S why parenting sucks. Because you are constantly judged. You are judged by the method you choose to give birth. You are judged by the method by which you choose to nourish your child. You are judged by the clothes you choose (my child ONLY wears designer labels), the child care you choose (it must be the most ostentatious, most expensive or it's not good enough), the car seat brand you have (what do you mean you don't have a Britax?), the diaper bag you carry (oh, but I buy a new Petunia Pickle Bottom every couple of months!), the car you drive (if you're not driving the biggest SUV available, you're not doing everything you can to keep your child safe), and so on. You will be judged by your parents (and your in-laws) for your parenting methods. And that's always fun. And you will continue to be judged regarding your children for the rest of your life. People will judge you in public for the things you say, the things you don't say, the things you do and don't do, the way your children behave (even if they're two and not doing anything but acting like a two year old), what your children are wearing, etc. It's a sad, sad commentary on humanity.

But it's reality. See? I told you she was a bitch.

You know what, though? You don't have any reason to care what other people think. You need to be the kind of parent that is best for you, best for your children, and best for your family. It's ok to step away at times and take time for yourself. No one should make you feel guilty for that. It's ok to leave the kids with a babysitter (yes, even an infant) and have a date night with your spouse. You BOTH need that. As long as you are not abusing your children in any way, duct taping them to the wall, taking  duck face naked selfies with your toddler in the background, posing them with beers and cigarettes (man am I on Facebook too much), or any other such ridiculous nonsense, then do the best you can, and don't worry about anyone else.

Yes, being a parent sucks sometimes. But you know what? It's also incredible. I have two healthy, beautiful children and I know how lucky I am. I also know that I completely take for granted how lucky I am. I have friends who were unable to have children. I have friends who have children with severe disabilities. I have friends who suffered devastating losses. When I get frustrated with my children I try so hard to remember them and appreciate what I have, and that is difficult. No one's perfect. We're all human, just trying to do the best we can.

I'm going to go and play with my kids now.

Today's Rant: People Who Make Theme Parks No Fun

So the hubs and I just got back from taking the offspring to a major theme park in Florida. Yep, you know the one. We actually love the place, and we had a lot of fun. The kids loved it too.

But by the end of each day I was ready to maim someone. Seriously.

Let's start with the parking service. We stay on property, but we usually rent a car so we don't have to deal with the buses, and we have a bit more flexibility on when and where we want to go. We drive into the parking lot, and almost every damn time we end up starting a new row. For those of you that don't know what that means, it means that you end up with the longest walk to the tram, and thus the longest walk back after a long day at the park. Yes, I get that someone is going to end up parking out there, but did it have to be us every damn time? Annoying. WHY on earth do they not have parking garages? Seems like a simple enough solution.

And then there's the tram service. Here's where the rude, inconsiderate, self-absorbed people really start to get to me. You've got the people who cannot follow simple stated rules, such as staying behind the yellow line. "HELLO! The tram won't freaking MOVE until your ass is behind that yellow line!" Can I tell you how much I would love to yell that out loud while the very courteous operator is nicely telling people to "please step behind the yellow line"? And the strollers. NEWSFLASH!!! Fold the stroller BEFORE you board the tram. It's not rocket science. You also might want to think about starting this process before the tram has actually stopped in front of you. I'm watching people stand there, and then continue to stand there, as the tram pulls up and they have yet to remove a bag from the stroller, let alone the child. Even if our youngest was sleeping in the stroller we had her out of it, bags in hand and the stroller folded when the tram stopped. We even watched one couple try to put the stroller on the tram with the child STILL IN IT. Seriously.

And here's where I lost it. At the end of a very long day, we were waiting for the tram. I got in line for the two seat row, since the tram didn't look too crowded, and we had the stroller, so it would be a little more roomy. The gates open, I pull the stroller up to lock it (takes me about 2 seconds), turn around......and a mom and her teenage son had run from a line further up and jumped onto the row we had been waiting for. I looked right at them and said, "Are you kidding me right now?" The mother looked away, but the boy at least attempted to scoot over and say there was room. We took the row behind (which was empty), and I said that we'd be fine. He then tried to tell the hubs to put the stroller in their row, but the hubs also said no, we were fine. The mother said to the son, a few minutes later, "We shouldn't have come back here." No, bitch, you shouldn't have. Especially when you saw that someone was waiting in line.

Then we get to the bag checks. PEOPLE! Again!!! It is not that difficult! Get your bag OUT, OPEN it, and have it ready when you get to the table. Don't forget the bags you have in the bottom of the strollers. Don't try to bring in bottles of beer (yep, saw that happen). And don't try to go through the "no bag" line because you think your bag is "too small" to be checked. In other words, don't be an absolute moron.

Ok. So we get into the parks (any of them, the people are all the same) and try to start enjoying ourselves. The problem is, I am a stickler for rules. Social rules, written rules, theme park rules, whatever the rules are, I believe you should follow them. There are rules about lines, there are rules about the rides, there are rules about where you can take strollers, there are rules for everything. Think the rules don't apply to you? I've got news for ya, cupcake.....you're not special. The rules apply to everyone. Courtesy and manners are also big in my book. So yeah, me and theme parks don't really mesh well.

First, you have the people who mosey. You wanna mosey? Fine! Just don't mosey right in the center of the walkway. Then you have the people who mosey with their group, and they walk six people wide. UGH! I get that you're a big group, but come on. And I absolutely LOVE it when the moseying, six-people-wide-group suddenly STOPS right in front of you without warning. So fun. I was very verbal with the first born about moving out of people's way before we stopped. "Let's not be rude and stop right in front of people." "Let's move out of people's way before we stop." "We don't stop right where people are walking." She heard all of this several times, and I am sure others around us heard it too. Or at least I hope they did. You wanna stop to look at a map? That is absolutely fine, just don't do it right in the middle of a busy area. Please.

Second, you have people who cannot stop texting, no matter where they are. I said out loud several times as people were walking straight at me (and me with a stroller) looking down at their phones, "Please look up!". I would get such dirty looks, like I was the one causing the problem. I'm sorry, but it's much easier for you to steer yourself around a stroller than it is for me to steer the stroller around you. Besides that, you are the one not looking where you're going in the first place. I really felt like going out and buying a cattle guard to put on the front of the stroller. These same people are the ones who text through dark rides, through shows, during parades, etc. I mean really, why are you here?

Smokers. Oh, the smokers. I have to say, I just don't get people who smoke. It's not like it's a secret what it will do to you. I honestly think people who smoke should be ineligible for health insurance. You wanna do something that causes you to have all of those health problems, something that is totally preventable, then YOU pay for it. Oh but wait, I digress. That's a topic for another day. So this park has designated smoking areas. I always think it's funny when people think those areas don't apply to them. They try to hide the cancer stick in their hand, behind their back, etc. Ummm, hello, the white billowing smoke coming from your mouth kind of gives you away. And you smell. Follow the rules. Because I WILL call you out on it and find the nearest cast member to tell you that you can't smoke there. You wanna go on and on about how it's your right? Fine. It's my right not to have to breathe that crap.

Personal space. Why can people not respect personal space? Standing in lines, I am very aware of people around me and I am also very aware of where my children are. I make sure they are not too close to other people, as my youngest loves to touch everyone and everything. I am always telling her that those people don't belong to us, we don't touch, etc. We were in line for something and there was a group behind us. Every time we took a step forward they would literally move up so close to us they were standing up against me. I finally turned around and said, "I'm sorry, I don't know you, can you please not stand so close?" I just got dirty looks from them, but I did get a few claps from other people around us. I am quite painfully aware that the parks are extremely crowded and there are a lot of people. I get it. But there is absolutely no reason for anyone to be standing so close to you that you can feel their breath, unless they are related to you. And even then, most times, that's too close. Back off.

Then you have the people who think they are going to submit the next ten million dollar photo to LIFE magazine. You know the ones. They're the ones taking flash pictures all the way through all of the dark rides.......any ride where flashes continually going off throughout the whole ride pretty much ruin it for everyone else in there. They're the ones who completely disregard the reminders of "no flash photography" during the ride, because, well, those rules are for everyone else, right? Of course they are. SMH. Oh and you gotta love the people who take flash pictures during fireworks. Yeah, because those always turn out great.

Something I do not tolerate well at all is people who are rude to the employees, especially without cause. It's hot, it's humid, it's crowded, and the lines are long, but that is no reason to take it out on the people who are there to do their jobs and just help you in any way they can. I told several workers that they had the patience of saints with some of these people. I saw one father, in front of his kids, completely lash out at a young woman at the entrance to a ride because she insisted on measuring his daughter's height to make sure she was ok to ride. That's her job. I felt really bad for her. I also felt really bad for the kids.....the dad made a complete ass out of himself. I saw people yell and scream when they were told they couldn't stand in a particular spot for a parade, or to smoke, or that they couldn't take food into a show. I mean really, these places really seem to bring out the worst in people.

I make a point to tell each and every server, checker, attendant, etc. thank you at every opportunity. The oldest knew to say thank you as she got off of each ride. Even the youngest caught on to that one. I even stopped to tell an employee who was sweeping up trash that he was doing a great job. I mean, how many people ever tell him that? We do this everywhere everyday, by the way, not just on vacation. I just cannot handle the blatant rudeness and complete sense of entitlement exhibited by so many people every day. The lack of common courtesy, coupled with a severe lack of common sense, is a dangerous combination, and it's only getting worse. I feel like it's getting so much harder to teach my children courtesy and manners because so few people in public show the same values. This was so very obvious during our theme park visit. Don't even get me started on the women in the restrooms.......

But you know what? There were some really great people, too. There were the Scottish people we met on the tram that found out that my first born's favorite character is from Scotland, and they were telling her about the country and sharing some things with her that just made her day. There was the man who was our waiter in one of the newer restaurants that went above and beyond to take care of everything we needed, as it was late and it was clear we were exhausted. There was the woman who played one of the characters who met my girls at two separate locations and remembered them, and that had them so excited they talked about it all day. There were the servers who had the hubs supplied with endless glasses of Diet Coke without him having to ask.....you people rock. There was the woman behind the counter late one night before a parade who decided to tell my oldest that she was just too pretty of a princess not to have dessert, and she gave her a chocolate cake for free. Thank you. There was the man working one particular ride who asked me how many was in my group, and then asked us to step aside, because he said he wanted my two princesses to have the front row on the next ride. Little things like that really meant a lot to us, and it really made up for so much of the other crap we had put up with all day.

So will I go back? Of course. Because as much as I complain, I still love it and I love the looks on the faces of my kids when they are having pure, simple, joyful fun.

And people will piss me off all over again. It's a vicious cycle.

Every Day is a Second Chance.....

And I say that almost every freakin' morning. I think to myself, when I get up, that today is going to be better, my first born will finally listen and do what she's told, I am going to get everything done that I planned to, and it will all be rainbows and sparkles.

Yep, not so much.

I had visions of myself as a mom.....the cookie-baking, muffin-making, PTA volunteering, doing crafts with the kids kind of mom that has fresh flowers on the table along with dinner every night.

Yep, not so much.

Clearly, my children and I were never meant to spend any length of time cooped up in an enclosed space together. I hear these moms talk about how they have breakfast on the table every morning, kids dressed and downstairs in plenty of time for school, homework done, hair and teeth brushed, and everyone is smiling and cheery. I'm sorry, but on what planet does this occur? Is this some alternate reality? Because in my house, it's a scream fest before bed and in the mornings. Oh I have tried not yelling, I have tried to be calm. I've tried Love & Logic, focusing on the positive, positive reinforcement, and all of that jazz. I hate it every time I yell, but my first born is so freakin' headstrong (I have NO IDEA where she got it.....) and I swear she is 13 at times instead of 8. This is a work in progress, though, and I refuse to give up.

Just this morning, I woke up thinking this was a new day, a second chance, and I go upstairs to check on my baby (the 3 year old) only to find that the first born isn't even out of bed. Now, she has three alarms.....yes, THREE. The first goes off at 6:30 am, and it's a cute little message that says, "Good morning, Sunshine!" The second one goes off 10 minutes later and it says, "I love you, but you have to get up now." She has a third one that goes off at 7:10 that tells her she needs to be ready to go and downstairs. She also has a list of everything she needs to have done, including brushing her teeth and hair. So this morning I am trying to get her to get her butt in gear, and I am not very nice about it. SHe got to school, lunch in hand, and I went home to feel guilty about the morning we had.

The whole brushing the teeth thing is such a battle. I don't get it. I have warned her about her teeth turning black, I have even showed her pictures on the internet. She's been to the dentist and she does great, but she will flat out lie to me about brushing her teeth. I'm not willing to budge on this particular personal hygiene habit, though, so the battle continues. Any suggestions??

In the meantime, I am so caught up in the craziness of this past week that it is really hard not to just sit and browse through all of the information on any given news station. I have friends in Boston and in Watertown, and I am just so angry that all of this has happened. I hear the mom of these two insane individuals complaining how they were set up, this is all wrong, etc. My first reaction is to think she is completely cuckoo, but then I realize she's their MOM, she's supposed to think that. But also as their mom, you would think she would know them better.

On that subject, I see a reference to the Boston police asking people to stop tweeting their locations and telling people where they (the police) are. I mean, I know it seems cool to say, "Hey! There's an armored truck outside my front door and the tactical squad is surrounding my neighbor's house!" Stupidity runs rampant. Sometimes technology is just not a good thing.

And then the explosion in West happened.....what a week this has been. West is the kolache capital of Texas, and it's right between Dallas and Austin. Nice people, nice town. It's just devastating.

So here I am, trying to appreciate my children more in the wake of all that has happened this week, trying to make every day a second chance, and falling right back into routines that make none of us happy. How do y'all handle you child when they are disrespectful? When they lie? When you just have no patience left? Suggestions are welcome.

I'm hungry.